Marriage 101

First off, it’s never been easy,
It’s the hardest work one can ever do,
And if someone tells you otherwise,
Just know they’re full of shit poo.

If you want your relationship to work,
Always be honest with your other half,
Be ready to share worries, tears and fears,
And in the good times have great laughs.

Never scream or cuss at each other,
Little by little it shears at the core of respect,
Talk calmly and meet somewhere in the middle,
Otherwise you two are bound to get wrecked.

Surprise each other once in a while,
Raise the intrigue, interest and attraction,
And if she happens to put on some weight,
Never bring it up or it’s a nuclear reaction.

Give him a nice smack in the ass in the shower,
Give her a pickle tickle when she least expects it,
Text each other something nasty to get antsy,
Being horny isn’t corny when the other reflects it.

Seriously, keep each other hot and bothered,
Be kinky, do it in elevators or backs of cars,
Explore fantasies, dreams and scenarios,
But most of all, fuck like you were porn stars.

Make each other laugh so hard ‘til one of you cries,
It’s one of the best and natural highs,
But don’t bust out any jokes in the middle of sex,
Believe me it has a terrible performance effect…
Oh, never mind

Enjoy the growth of your children,
Remember the promises and never forget,
Remember when and how you fell in love,
And always remember the first time you met.