deepundergroundpoetry.com

The Searcher

Half of me died
A long time ago
Struck through the heart
Left broken in pieces
 
Trying to find those
lost parts of me
A searcher, alone
in the darkness
 
So living with fifty percent missing
Attempting to join in with the games
 
And failing, badly
 
Really trying to hold on to
The parts of me that are left
Holding on tight to
What I am
 
And maybe, all I have is ugliness
Bitter and contorted with a hollow
Perception
 
There have been times where
I've begun to find those lost parts
Seeing the world with insight and
Saying to myself that
"Everything matters"
 
Only for them to start to
peel away leaving a trail of myself
Before heading back on that
Lonesome road, a nomad
 
An inability to love myself or
To find another to love or
To be emotionally self sufficient
Enough to be reliable
 
Staying in a place for too long
Facing up to myself in repetition
My hideousness reflecting back  
 
Breaking away and being alone has
Been my crutch, not wanting to face
Myself amid faces too familiar
 
Discontentment with reality leaves me an ever searcher, finding what could be, flushed with false hopes, and losing it all once more
 
And so it repeats
 
I lost hope in family
At the age of fifteen
 
Torn and ripped, bent, twisted and forgotten, in a mess
alone in the dirt
 
Shattered, broken and in despair
Dire, down and out
 
Thrown away like an unwanted damaged gift, spoiled with parts and pieces missing
A rejection
 
I want to leave again
The feeling to walk on the road
It's come again
And so I shall
 
This time to be with people
Like minded people
In the north
To be and to walk with
My own kind
 
Searching together
Forever, searchers.
 
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LilDragonFly nomoth Stoney223 Shakti_143
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