Polaroid

Our paths split in two. You chose space and I chose to create. But now it’s too late, because I blew off our fate, and it wasn't like you to wait. But I wanted to call and say happy belated, I hope you've done everything to make it. But the blue in your eyes was never something I could give up, I couldn't just shake it. So I started to fake it. In hopes that maybe you waited.
But everything we had has faded. It’s black and white, we’ve lost the delight, and maybe you’re right. It wasn’t me and it wasn’t my fault. But now that I’m an adult, and I am not afraid to go out alone and go on a walk. I see that it wasn’t just the way that you talk. Or your obsession with rock. I don’t mean to mock but i heard stories of the way you would flock. To finally feel something in your soul, to finally feel whole, someone to accept your perfectly placed mole, and would always be down to smoke another bowl. I’m sure that shit started to take a toll. When you called me up out of the blue, to tell me you feel blue and all i needed was you.
But you didn’t get you way, so you decided not to stay. Don’t bat your eyes and say I miss you tay. Just go away, my heart isn’t another instrument for you to play. Tell me you get it, okay? Our birthdays are both in the month of May, do you think there is another way, than asking to feel my lips but Having to save it for another day. Our future could have been molded and made out of clay, but my mind decided to put that on delay. Eventually, I threw it all away.
But the time that we had was something that couldn’t be replaced. I can’t recall anyone else who made my heart race, let everything fall in to place, your mouth had a different taste, as sweet as the lace that tied my hands before I realized it was all a waste.
You were my rock, the reason my music taste is on top,  you had me on lock, you held me when I was in shock, watched me like a hawk, to make sure my mind wasn’t hot, then dropped me faster than the hand on a clock.
Your mind was so weak that you couldn’t even stand to drive by the sign, that reminded you of the line that you sang to me while drunk on our favorite wine. That was the time...
I knew it was you. The final clue, when you grabbed me the tissues And you started to sing me my favorite song by The Neighbourhood- Daddy Issues. The fact is, yeah I miss you. But it’s not you that I miss. Or our final kiss. Or that at 11:11 you were always my wish. And I’ll tell you it’s this-
I worry about you and it’s taking a toll on my health. I fear your your wealth, your love for yourself, the pain that you’ve dealt- but I don’t think you know that you’ve taken me with. On this sad aesthetic myth. But it’s hard work loving a Nihilist. It’s not stylish, to feel black and paint blue and being so scared to say that I love you.
I’ll take it to my grave that it was me who didn’t behave. But you were out having a rave, caught in a wave, hoping you’ll finally be saved. I gave You every ounce of my being, every star in the sky to keep you from leaving, it’s been years fucking years and I’m still grieving, a heart break that is in need of more than just healing. Through life you’ll stay weaving and I pray that one day you’ll start seeing, you’re dead inside and others Will start believing, that the polaroid of your ripped out heart is hanging in my room on the ceiling - but somehow you’re still breathing.