Selective effective

Life is the hardest thing about death
I always say under my  breath
So I wonder aimlessly everyday

Alot of questions never seeming to have answers
Just like the government having the cure for cancers
Or will someone love me like I love them
Leaving me in a world in which I'm condemned

Will the sun shine on my face today
Will this feeling of emptiness go away
Living with myself sickens me so
For this effective started long time ago

I know this pain is not all of mine
It has been carried thru my bloodline
Wondering everyday that passes me by
Will it stop with me: for my kids it will amplify

I know my feelings are not all there
To kill all of these feeling is my only care
Nothing ever seems to make no sense
But I still go on; this bullshit continue  commence

It is so hard being who I am
Trying to love and give a damn
So I write to let go of me
No matter what I do their is no guarantee

I sit here with my pencil; mistakes I can erase
For I make alot of mistakes, but I can always replace
I wish their is something that "I" can do
A better life I wish to pursue

Sometimes it's easier said than done
When life pushes me down: it weighs a ton
Not having anyone to help with this load
For this time I have to travel down this lonely road

I wish I could hold my life in my hand
I could mold it to make me understand
Why am I the person that draws the shortest straw
Time to cut my losses and to withdraw

I am so so tired of fighting for life
A puppet I will sever the strings with a knife
No longer will they have control of my mind
For I always wanted to be one of a kind

I pray that it stops with me
My kids grow older; I will have to see
For they dont need to feel like I do
I want them to have their own view

To see this world thru many eyes
People afraid of the truth and spread so many lies
I just want to be myself as one
Why can't all of this be undone

I want to feel wild and free
For some reason my mind won't leave me be
Playing it's little twisted games
All of my life; my soul it claims

I end my suicide note with these words
For in life my death has it's rewards
I will end all of this mess
For my life; I've failed my test
Written by Atropabelladonna (Atro)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2 reading list entries 0
comments 7 reads 767
Commenting Preference: 
The author encourages honest critique.

Latest Forum Discussions
Today 10:53am by Abracadabra
Today 8:50am by Michael_Goodridge
Today 8:20am by Michael_Goodridge
Today 7:49am by Abracadabra
Today 7:41am by Abracadabra
Today 7:14am by dimpy