Story Poem, Nr.21 — Dancing Queen

I love stevie smith ..

Then where is your entry?!

I have a problem with competitions ..

So let it be a non-entry; mine is.  I write for the love of the poet, not to win ( being I'm ineligible anyway ).  

you're right. but in future why can't these
things simply be discussions ..

You mean like in the Speakeasy or Poetry Forum?

Thank you Paul and for the RL addition - there's a certain unpredictable quirkiness in Stevie Smith's poems that I like and yet she also addresses issues head-on unexpectedly. A hint of eccentricity - in a nice English way - but indubitably sharp.

I don't dispute there are other avenues, I just prefer
not to dwell on the more competitive routes ..

We have a Classic Discussion thread in the speakeasy for that very thing: discussion.

which makes for interesting reading,  
but I've nothing to add ..

So I'm confused as to what you want.  We can alsp post non-competitive poems there.  It's for whatever, except competition.

https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/speakeasy/read/10855/

I don't want anything, silly. You originally asked    
where was my entry for the comp, and I just tried    
to explain that I didn't want to go down that road,  
and then suddenly it's like we're driving on    
different sides ..    :)

Haha!

Great fun to read, with an element of truth, and substance.  That last stanza is a real kick.  And I enjoy your reading of it.  Thank you!

Thank you Crow - and for the RL. Glad you liked it. Combination of fun and substance is what I was aiming for, so that's nice to hear.

To me, Josh, the essence of Smith's poem was two-fold; the innocence of youth recognizing what's important, as well as desiring freedom; and, the wisdom of age recognizing what enables such important freedom, balance.  She urges, in the typical monarch wisdom, for the princess to follow suit, thus serving her country as a shadow so that the sun can appear brighter.  

In yours, the queen has attempted to achieve such balance both separately and together.  From those three attempts she opts for the fourth, which is freedom of expression; or, should I say from constriction.  It's a very subtle take on the essence conveyed in a unique perspective and totally original delivery.  Great read all around!  

Well done, and best of luck in the comp.

Thank you Ahavati for the interesting comment and feed-back; & RL (again, very generous). I was holding in mind the essence of how I see the poem which is (like you suggest) the stand-off/balance between duty & play, obligation & freedom, constriction & the-open-road - and I wanted to give this queen to be less austere than Stevie Smith's - maybe a 21st century queen a bit more 'enlightened' possibly.  
Walking the fine line between emulating, capturing essence, being 'inspired by' and yet avoiding plagiarism - is interesting, to say the least   :))   Glad you enjoyed it.

You walked the fine line beautifully, Josh!

I love it, Josh...
what a delight...
you know how to read them
just right...
thank you for reading it to us...
makes me feel quite pampered...hugs... Ely

Glad you liked it, and the 'voice-over' too. Hope you feel pampered with my future offerings as well  :))   RL much appreciated.

Good fun Josh. Boogie on down.



hugs,
buddhakitty.

Thank you BK. I nearly had 'hip-hopped' on the penultimate line until I remembered Stevie Smith died on '71 before it was invented - so it became lindy-hopped instead squeezing in an extra syllable. But of course, boogie was essential to include - without boogie, where in the world would we be?

Thank you sunsettown for the RL - and an interesting comment.
"hint of youth rebellion"? ... ... I was thinking in terms of the original poem from an era when duty/obligation was certainly stronger and wanted to move the thinking of the poem on a bit (but not too much) with a queen somewhat more enlightened. Of course, Harry & Megan are currently 'rebelling' against the constriction of royal duties - which could have sparked a different tone/take for the poem, which would be fitting to honour Stevie Smith.
I'm certainly not advocating eternal respect for organisational-life and cultural institutions but tend to reserve my rebellious 'voice' for issues of politics, war, religion, science, banking, Big-Ag and the Pharma industry.
So far 'royalty' has escaped my cross-bow but perhaps it's because another poet, Heathcote Williams, has done a serious 'hatchet-job' on royalty, "Royal Babylon", viz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIukrdRhnpw
Anyway, thank you for getting me thinking about these things - it's certainly stirred my imagination about how to comment on 'youth rebellion', and how it is placed in the context of 'democracy' and societal norms and ideologies.
As an afterthought, there is modern freedom in one sense but my children (all in their 30s now) feel less freedom (than they reckon I had) due to the GIG economy, mega-high cost of housing, and loss of social mobility

It's a fabulous entry, Josh. It certainly outperforms the inspiration poem in terms of flow.

Speaking of which, Smith's has the princess in typical child argumentative fashion initiate three statements of protest with the word "but" - indicative of contrast. And in order to appreciate freedom and pleasure, one must first experience the "labor pains" of work. The contrast is also manifest in the symbols of shadow and sun or darkness and light.

Good luck in the comp!

Thank you for an interesting comment,  Johnny. Yes, you're right, the three 'Buts' got reflected in the three dance styles - and led to the final resolution. 'But' with a different angle on contrast in my poem.

Josh, wonderful rhythm and rhyme. This comp is gearing up to be really great.
Good luck in the comp. You've written a really wonderful one.

Thank you Wally for your appreciative comment. (Have just seen you entered my 'technology' comp - was hoping you would)

Dear J,

There is nothing different I can add to the wonderful comments above on your brilliantly insightful and clever take of this inspired poem! It was fun and meaningful in one take. An absolute winner for the competition! Awesome write! H🌷  

Thank you H for such a splendiferous comment on my arrival back home after a hard day's grafting (digging foundations for a geodesic tunnel green-house). Glad you you liked it. Cheers, Josh.

ohhhh…..I dig this so much. I wore an open mouthed excited grin the whole way through. thank you so much Josh

I'm really glad you liked it - that's a high compliment to put a grin on someone's face  :))  And honoured by the RL -- and just seen you've chosen to follow me - hope the added journey is a happy and instructive one. Best regards, Josh.