MY EARLY BIRTHDAY GIFT

this is so sad and hurtful as it is filled with your hurt as well as your pain seems like your caught between a rock and a hard place sometimes we have to walk away even from family oneday, I feel your words running deeper than deep till I can feel your anger in your words of disappointment and frustration with anger and dark thoughts on your birthday, yet I have been were you are now trying to get that mothers love even through conversation of words yet no matter what I did it just wasnt enough for her so the lesson I had to learn early on ''you cant miss what you never truly had'' that was why I chose to live my life as I have no family attachments at all over the years of my own life just my grandparents who have pass away some years ago, I became a better person for making that one change in my life for blood isnt always family sometimes blood can be a person who aint family that treats you better than your blood family...

Thanks, Stoney, I appreciate your words. I just want to rest and keep away from stupid hating faces. The only one that hasn't given me hell yesterday was my dad not trying to. He knew I was angry yesterday starting with my nephews cause I cleaned good deeply yesterday and especially kitchen so I wouldn't have to do much today on my birthday and they gave me shit first saying oh it's a kitchen it doesn't need cleaning every time but I'm irritated and up to the last straw of my mom always on my ass about cleaning and cooking and so I cleaned hard and cooked to show her I'm FUCKING TRYING TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS!! got mad at my 3rd oldest nephew cause he thinks I'm too much of it all about cleaning . He told my dad well that's not my problem she gets yelled by grandma cause it's not my fault. My dad told him it's your fault 'cause you don't clean! My dad settled it and things were fine but the minute I tried making Lil conversation later at night, my mom starts the fire and the deepest hell breaks loose. Minutes after she asked me to go to church and I had said ok and what time after I try making conversation and talking about my daughter and something else she brings up stupid things and there it goes loud and paranoid arguing which I didn't want to do I promise to the heavens I wasn't 😢... She starts telling me I'm talking to a loser punk and is a bum when age doesn't know anything about me or who I talk to cause if I do she starts talking shit and I said it's my friend he goes to school has to do right now an essay writing. He works too HE IS MY FRIEND!!! She only pissed me off cause it's like I can't evolve friends in my life or even a Lil cause it for some reason makes her think the most negative things. I don't go out anywhere in just at fucking home cleaning like an ass, just go where they go cause I got no car until I can get my own. It's hard as it is and the Lil bit of what helps me be happy she smashes it to pieces cause she hates anything I do. What hurts a lot is I try making a good conversation and she starts destroying it with the opposite with hate. Idk why if I don't want to make it that way but my mom has a strong dark vision on me and it's like I have to just shit up and don't say shit to her. Even times I go out with her where she wants it's not much talk or if I do I try not pissing her off in any way. Sometimes things fine and sometimes not. But a day before my birthday it's like it's got to happen. The next day it's like nothing happened but honestly, I know it did. It's a huge grudge I now feel today on my birthday smh...

Wow...that is to much going on that is an unhealthy situation I feel your pain and hurt sometimes we have do what we don't want to do its called change some folks just refuse to change over the years to me it sounds like maybe it's more deep rooted in your mother something that she is not sharing for only a prisoner who is afraid of there past are very protective of the past darkness...respect

You know as Catholic my priest many years ago before I even became a mom, I had confessed and shared my feelings of my mother and a you know now and the father said, it's not you its her...
Something personal she is keeping in herself that is making be this way. You can only listen and let her be how she wants and just forgive. I have tried to but with years looks like she just gets very tensed up moody and maybe maybe its her menopause. Idk but for years she been like this with me. I lose my mind when she does and it hurts is why I write this poem I even hate I did cause it's trash I know. But omg it's my nasty soul talking and I hate myself for it is why I just get mad in general. Cause I don't mean lots but I have feelings too and I explode. I'm trying not let it get to be but its fucken hard...

i feel you as i hear you but remember we are only human as the heart and mind can only take so much of somethings i agree with the priest that is what i think on both of them mines and yours mother thats why i had to leave besides the physically abuse from my step father i felt safer on the streets than being in there home i learned it is not life that choses our path its the journeys travels and walks that we must do to find our own paths to walk within this life...respect dear poetess

Yes I agree and well things calmer and looks like she trying calm her anger. I'm trying too and better peace. Yesterday things we're kinda ok cause my nephew decided many times to be a lil shit with me knowing it was my birthday. He even threw me the finger cause I told him I didn't want on my day hear his ghetto trash music and later told my dad what happened and he got very angry as he tried denying it and laughing. He never gonna change. Other then that the day went good.

i am glad to hear it went good for you your nephew needs to change and grow up folks nowadays dont play they will kill you dead for the things he has been doing straight up real talk he wouldnt last a day in my old hood of hard knocks...respect

Sad poem if some taken advantage of you.  It is okay to fight sometimes.

Thanks I appreciate much

oh ,,, Nancy .
you show me the real sadness pain ,,, the heartache  !
i feel every thing you wrote above .
please remember the good things to make your self happy .
YOURS
HUSSEIN

The emotions here and clear and palpable. It sucks that the troubles of our lives never seem to take a day off, but I'm glad you found your small joys on your special day. That's all we can do, on any given day. (hugs) Many happy returns gorgeous.

Thanks hun ultra it was bad but on my birthday day it was much better even though my demon nephew did make sure to give me a miserable day. But it was fairly good.