We grieve our loss in silence...

I was raised to pursue my dreams, and my dreams oft became goals, and it wasnít until I became a grown woman that I realised that some dreams arenít within my reach, no matter how many years I channelled my love & energy into the one that set my heart & soul alight.

I gave whatever I could, whenever I could, and thereís no disputing that that love could be a bestseller if those sentiments were ever compiled in a manuscript, post being edited, in preparation for publishing. †

You were my epic love story, and in a world with no barriers, we wouldíve had our fairytale ending by living happily ever after, together. †  

However, life circumstances do not enable those things to come to fruition, and donít think it hasnít shattered my heart & soul too, because it has.  

I realised 9 years ago when I stumbled upon what I would dub a twin flame connection, which I initially thought was a pure heart connection, that this day would come. †

Almost a decade later, and having spent much of my 30ís pining for a man on the other side of the world, it dawned upon me that neither of us are in a position to make the necessary sacrifices thatíll enable us to actually be together. †

I cannot relocate to another country, and sacrifice my $150K income per annum as Iím still not done raising my 2 adolescent children, with one entering university to study a double degree, and the other, on the cusp of a significant breakdown that means life or death.  
I cannot bring myself to abandon them for the companionship I crave with a man who has his own children, and a similar set of circumstances. †

So. What gives ?! †

Am I to be forever banished & punished for trying to do the right thing by my children because thatís not fair. †

Itís not fair that I cannot speak to you about the things that have unfolded, and you provide no pathway for me to discuss a way forward, so what else am I suppose to do ?  

Promise you another 10 years of my life, whilst baring witness to the suppleness within my ripened flesh and bone slowly wither from the inside out, from never being touched by you even though youíve touched me for the longest time in ways I cannot even bring myself to elaborate upon here & now ?!

Sighs. †

I can only dream about the happiness we could share because our lives are far too complex to merge, and Iím sorry for loving you but Iím stuck between a rock and a hard place as I cannot abandon my children, and pursue the things I want, no matter how right it feels.    

If it wasnít love, it wouldnít hurt this bad and itís not fair to hold our hearts to ransom like we have for so many years ! †

Touch, is as key as communication in a bond, and we have to be real with one another otherwise weíll both die alone, pining for another one another. †

Donít you think we deserve to find happiness with someone whoís geographically closer ?! †

Someone, to have & hold, each and every day/ night. †

I think you should put down the gun, and we should stop holding one anotherís heart & soul to ransom.  
Donít you think ?!
Written by shadow_starzzz
Author's Note
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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