We grieve our loss in silence...

I was raised to pursue my dreams, and my dreams oft became goals, and it wasn’t until I became a grown woman that I realised that some dreams aren’t within my reach, no matter how many years I channelled my love & energy into the one that set my heart & soul alight.
 
I gave whatever I could, whenever I could, and there’s no disputing that that love could be a bestseller if those sentiments were ever compiled in a manuscript, post being edited, in preparation for publishing.  
 
You were my epic love story, and in a world with no barriers, we would’ve had our fairytale ending by living happily ever after, together.    
 
However, life circumstances do not enable those things to come to fruition, and don’t think it hasn’t shattered my heart & soul too, because it has.  
 
I realised 9 years ago when I stumbled upon what I would dub a twin flame connection, which I initially thought was a pure heart connection, that this day would come.  
 
Almost a decade later, and having spent much of my 30’s pining for a man on the other side of the world, it dawned upon me that neither of us are in a position to make the necessary sacrifices that’ll enable us to actually be together.  
 
I cannot relocate to another country, and sacrifice my $150K income per annum as I’m still not done raising my 2 adolescent children, with one entering university to study a double degree, and the other, on the cusp of a significant breakdown that means life or death.  
 
I cannot bring myself to abandon them for the companionship I crave with a man who has his own children, and a similar set of circumstances.  
 
So. What gives ?!  
 
Am I to be forever banished & punished for trying to do the right thing by my children because that’s not fair.  
 
It’s not fair that I cannot speak to you about the things that have unfolded, and you provide no pathway for me to discuss a way forward, so what else am I suppose to do ?  
 
Promise you another 10 years of my life, whilst baring witness to the suppleness within my ripened flesh and bone slowly wither from the inside out, from never being touched by you even though you’ve touched me for the longest time in ways I cannot even bring myself to elaborate upon here & now ?!
 
Sighs.  
 
I can only dream about the happiness we could share because our lives are far too complex to merge, and I’m sorry for loving you but I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place as I cannot abandon my children, and pursue the things I want, no matter how right it feels.    
 
If it wasn’t love, it wouldn’t hurt this bad and it’s not fair to hold our hearts to ransom like we have for so many years !  
 
Touch, is as key as communication in a bond, and we have to be real with one another otherwise we’ll both die alone, pining for another one another.  
 
Don’t you think we deserve to find happiness with someone who’s geographically closer ?!  
 
Someone, to have & hold, each and every day/ night.  
 
I think you should put down the gun, and we should stop holding one another’s heart & soul to ransom.  
   
Don’t you think ?!