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My Closure

It all started with a door
a red door to a house with a wooden floor
My legs like weights
weary to entwine our fates
Red like blood, yet I walk to the door
reaching for the doorknob, I'm shaking to my core
Terrified of what I'll find
I'm wracking my mind
Trying to find a reason not to go in
for I know what I'll find will be grim
I walk in and he's just sitting there
you can see his psyche starting to wear
He's haunted, you can see it in his eyes
nothing could help, even the highs
The lows are what got to him
tore him apart limb from limb
There was nothing left, lifeless, he stood
it was silent except for the creaking wood
He's tying a noose
that he intends to use
Liquid courage, he takes a shot
and another for the battles he fought
All his life he tried to survive
and just when he started to thrive
Something happened...and he was broken
now it's time and no words were spoken
I couldn't speak
my body, too weak
I felt paralyzed, numb
knowing what's to come
He didn't shed a tear
didn't show any fear
Already gone, he was  just ...done
being alive, being a son
I think his life just took too much away
he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't stay
Wondering if he could've been saved by even a kind word
I heard a chair fall, his neck break, my vision blurred
A flash of light and he's back on the bed
no one knew what was going through his head
Then it happened all over again, I saw him die
crying, screaming, I kept asking why
This time, I wasn't numb or still
my struggles are pointless I realize with a chill
Rope holds me to a chair
our eyes meet and in his is a glare
Until now, he hadn't looked at me
realizing it was me who couldn't see
Blind to the war in his head
blind to how much he bled
Beneath his clothes, beneath the skin
it was his soul starting to wear thin
Shallow cuts from a knife that felt ablaze
his spirit is scarred in so many different ways
He looked at me saying, "it's okay
but it's time for me to go away
Not everything is meant to last
I'm at peace, my time has passed
This is my choice
one last time to use my voice.
You needed to see this
to save yourself from the abyss
You can be saved
from all dark and depraved."

The ropes fade away
I ask to stay
He said, " It's your choice
it matters, just like your voice
I'm sorry but you needed to know
where this would, inevitably, go
And where it will end
but remember this, my friend.
Some aren't meant for this place
others need more space
Some are tired of being in pain
lying there like a lamb, slain
They think they'd be better off gone
they're not trying to pass the pain on
We just want peace
to watch our struggles cease.
Keep your heart as open as your mind
with a shy heart, you can still be kind.
You have so much life to live
and so much love left to give."

With that heartfelt goodbye
there was a shine in his eye
His face lights up and takes on a glow
it's luminescence grows
Into a light so bright
my vision goes white
I awaken in a cold sweat
from a dream I'll never forget
Grateful to a dream for a goodbye I never got
for the peace and closure that it brought
You'll never be forgotten, never be gone
I promise your memory will live on...
Written by ThiaTartorum
Author's Note
This poem is for my cousin, he took his own life back in August. Ever since, I've had this dream almost every night. I did expand on the dialogue but all of the rest is from my dream, I wish I had...
This poem is for my cousin, he took his own life back in August. Ever since, I've had this dream almost every night. I did expand on the dialogue but all of the rest is from my dream, I wish I had gotten to say goodbye to him. This is my way of saying goodbye to him and hoping that he's at peace now. I don't want any comments bashing suicide, this is my way to say goodbye to a loved one so please respect that.
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