deepundergroundpoetry.com
I ENVY YOU.
I ENVY YOU.
I begrudge your careless way of seeing life,
how you come, and where you go away quite soon.
You enjoy your food and drink and never deem
where your lives are going to and their hard strife.
I imagine all the world and who live on
are transferred to my own shoulders which can't bear
my own weight that exhausts me with my small mind,
which is lacking needed scope to make things known.
I refuge to what, some think, is not so sure,
to discern a picture that brings me a smile,
but the people refute me, giving no clue
just increasing agonies that none can bear.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
I begrudge your careless way of seeing life,
how you come, and where you go away quite soon.
You enjoy your food and drink and never deem
where your lives are going to and their hard strife.
I imagine all the world and who live on
are transferred to my own shoulders which can't bear
my own weight that exhausts me with my small mind,
which is lacking needed scope to make things known.
I refuge to what, some think, is not so sure,
to discern a picture that brings me a smile,
but the people refute me, giving no clue
just increasing agonies that none can bear.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 22nd Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 256
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Jan 2020 9:02pm
What is a "hard atrife"?
And if you meant "strife", why would you be envious of those who have strife? Are those who have a careless subjected to it?
And isn't this stanza
"I imagine all the world and who live on
are transferred to my own shoulders which can't bear
my own weight that exhausts me with my small mind,
which is lacking needed scope to make things known.
a (rather unintelligible) run on sentence? How does having a small mind lead to being unable to shoulder, let alone to bear, even one's own weight? And does making things known allow your shoulders to bear weight?
And if you meant "strife", why would you be envious of those who have strife? Are those who have a careless subjected to it?
And isn't this stanza
"I imagine all the world and who live on
are transferred to my own shoulders which can't bear
my own weight that exhausts me with my small mind,
which is lacking needed scope to make things known.
a (rather unintelligible) run on sentence? How does having a small mind lead to being unable to shoulder, let alone to bear, even one's own weight? And does making things known allow your shoulders to bear weight?
22nd Jan 2020 9:52pm
1- It's STRIFE.
2- Are serious about the other questions. Nothing is worth an answer.
2- Are serious about the other questions. Nothing is worth an answer.
So it isn't a run on sentence with too many incoherent relative clauses?
And you **would** be envious of those who ignore the fact that their life will come inevitably to be full of strife?
And you **would** be envious of those who ignore the fact that their life will come inevitably to be full of strife?
I’m jealous of the Epicurians.
They’ve found a way,
in practicing an apathy
to keep at bay
the cold weight of the world
that always bothers other men.
A sure philosophy
that deals with and makes small
the trials and the all
consuming nettled things
that gull and worry me,
that close my mind
to merriment, forestalling glee.
Ye gods above
I now solicit thee
to bliss me in the calm
that they possess.
I need a refuge from
this enervating strife
and stress that’s buried in my limbs,
that saves me from my lonely life’s
self generated mess.
They’ve found a way,
in practicing an apathy
to keep at bay
the cold weight of the world
that always bothers other men.
A sure philosophy
that deals with and makes small
the trials and the all
consuming nettled things
that gull and worry me,
that close my mind
to merriment, forestalling glee.
Ye gods above
I now solicit thee
to bliss me in the calm
that they possess.
I need a refuge from
this enervating strife
and stress that’s buried in my limbs,
that saves me from my lonely life’s
self generated mess.
22nd Jan 2020 10:19pm
You always try to paraphrase my poems, but in such a bad way l don't call poetry. Can you tell me what you are trying to do?
You need to look up the meaning of "paraphrase". It's not what I do, let alone "always".
And unless you want to be noted as a hypocrite, and as someone who uses a double standard when it comes to your evaluation of what is and what is not poetry, let alone what is "bad" poetry, you need to admit that my piece is not only poetry, but a good example of it. It has all of the things that **you yourself** have said a writing must have in order to be poetry -- rhythm, rhyme, coherent language, and an interesting theme. It is also eminently understandable and does not force or ask a reader to use "imagination" to fill in words or expressions that are supposedly implied or to take steps to guess at what I meant to convey in order to be clear on and "get" what it is I was attempting to convey.
What's more there are no grammar mistakes, no errors of syntax, and no question begging assertions within it. And it is cohesive from stanza to stanza.
As to what I was trying to do -- it was to write something metrically, grammatically, and syntactically sound about what someone whose life was full of strife was jealous of that would read easily and be easily understood.
And if you say that you don't think I've succeeded in this, I ask you to do two things.
1. Demonstrate through argument and evidence where and how I have not done so.
2. Remember that you said that you are not a critic and therefore claimed implicitly that anything that you say in criticism of my submission has little merit and should not be taken seriously . After all, it comes from someone who, by his own admission, lacks critical skills and doesn't know what he's talking about.
But, as the records shows is typical of you, you won't do either of these things.
And unless you want to be noted as a hypocrite, and as someone who uses a double standard when it comes to your evaluation of what is and what is not poetry, let alone what is "bad" poetry, you need to admit that my piece is not only poetry, but a good example of it. It has all of the things that **you yourself** have said a writing must have in order to be poetry -- rhythm, rhyme, coherent language, and an interesting theme. It is also eminently understandable and does not force or ask a reader to use "imagination" to fill in words or expressions that are supposedly implied or to take steps to guess at what I meant to convey in order to be clear on and "get" what it is I was attempting to convey.
What's more there are no grammar mistakes, no errors of syntax, and no question begging assertions within it. And it is cohesive from stanza to stanza.
As to what I was trying to do -- it was to write something metrically, grammatically, and syntactically sound about what someone whose life was full of strife was jealous of that would read easily and be easily understood.
And if you say that you don't think I've succeeded in this, I ask you to do two things.
1. Demonstrate through argument and evidence where and how I have not done so.
2. Remember that you said that you are not a critic and therefore claimed implicitly that anything that you say in criticism of my submission has little merit and should not be taken seriously . After all, it comes from someone who, by his own admission, lacks critical skills and doesn't know what he's talking about.
But, as the records shows is typical of you, you won't do either of these things.
