deepundergroundpoetry.com
MY CHOICE WAS A POET.
MY CHOICE WAS A POET.
An angel came to me in my mid-sleep
and asked me what l would be in my life.
He gave me two great options that men liked,
a poet of great wisdom or a knight.
I thought a lot about the two of them.
A knight would be so strong and liked by all.
Most women saw him as a model man.
He lived a noble life among his tribe.
But l would opt a poet as l craved
my worth to come from inside not from men.
A poet could behold the truth that came
from his own heart or his immortal soul.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
An angel came to me in my mid-sleep
and asked me what l would be in my life.
He gave me two great options that men liked,
a poet of great wisdom or a knight.
I thought a lot about the two of them.
A knight would be so strong and liked by all.
Most women saw him as a model man.
He lived a noble life among his tribe.
But l would opt a poet as l craved
my worth to come from inside not from men.
A poet could behold the truth that came
from his own heart or his immortal soul.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 20th Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Jan 2020 10:27pm
I enjoyed the sentiment of this, JZ. A Poet's life can be hard, and some knights weren't all they were cracked up to be.
To honor your request for honest critique, I would suggest re-evaluating your punctuation, particularly your use of endstops. Also, sometimes when we attempt to adhere to a specific syllabic count, particular words seem forced to fill in, rather than naturally flow.
To honor your request for honest critique, I would suggest re-evaluating your punctuation, particularly your use of endstops. Also, sometimes when we attempt to adhere to a specific syllabic count, particular words seem forced to fill in, rather than naturally flow.
20th Jan 2020 10:51pm
Are knights from tribes?
Where do the stresses fall in this line:
"and asked me what l would be in my life".?
Though it begins with an iambic foot, it does not maintain that meter.
And more importantly, isn't it true that it's not beholding "the truth" that is important for a poet -- or for any writer. It's being able to express in words what one has had reveled to him/her in a way that brings a reader into that experience and able to see it with one's eyes shut?
Where do the stresses fall in this line:
"and asked me what l would be in my life".?
Though it begins with an iambic foot, it does not maintain that meter.
And more importantly, isn't it true that it's not beholding "the truth" that is important for a poet -- or for any writer. It's being able to express in words what one has had reveled to him/her in a way that brings a reader into that experience and able to see it with one's eyes shut?
Its a great choice,
To convey into expressions,
A knight fights with a sword,
A poet's weapon are words,
Piercing through barriers even made of concrete,
A powerful double edge sword of expression was bestowed upon you.
Keep on scribing poet,
To convey into expressions,
A knight fights with a sword,
A poet's weapon are words,
Piercing through barriers even made of concrete,
A powerful double edge sword of expression was bestowed upon you.
Keep on scribing poet,
21st Jan 2020 9:08am
Very dear Ahavati,
Thank you very much for enjoying my poem. I always like honest criticism. Yes, you are right. I sometimes use fillers trying to reach perfect rhythm. I consider rhythm a very important item in any poetry. Without it there is no poetry for me. To tell you the truth, l don't find anything wrong with my punctuation. Please keep giving me your honest criticism. It is what l really like. Thank you again.
Thank you very much for enjoying my poem. I always like honest criticism. Yes, you are right. I sometimes use fillers trying to reach perfect rhythm. I consider rhythm a very important item in any poetry. Without it there is no poetry for me. To tell you the truth, l don't find anything wrong with my punctuation. Please keep giving me your honest criticism. It is what l really like. Thank you again.
21st Jan 2020 9:21am
Very dear Baldwin,
Thank you very much for your useful criticism. I always love the people who criticize me.
1- yes, rhythm can't always reach perfection, but l do my best.
2- l think that a knight can be from a tribe or any section of the society.
3- To behold the truth mentally speaking.
Thank you Baldwin.
Thank you very much for your useful criticism. I always love the people who criticize me.
1- yes, rhythm can't always reach perfection, but l do my best.
2- l think that a knight can be from a tribe or any section of the society.
3- To behold the truth mentally speaking.
Thank you Baldwin.
I didn't ask you whether perfection in rhythm was possible. I asked you to tell me where the accents fell in a particular line of your submission after the first foot. Are you admitting that your rhythm is faulty here but still poetically acceptable? If so, on what grounds do you dare criticize other for not writing in perfect rhythm without engaging in the hypocrisy of refusing to give them breaks you allow yourself?
And I cannot for the life of me see how your remark "To behold the truth mentally" speaks to, let alone answers, my question about whether it's true that it's not beholding "the truth" **in any way** that is important for a poet -- or for any writer, but instead it's being able to express in words what one has had reveled to him/her in a way that brings a reader into that experience and makes a reader able to see it with one's eyes shut.
Thank you for dodging it.
And I cannot for the life of me see how your remark "To behold the truth mentally" speaks to, let alone answers, my question about whether it's true that it's not beholding "the truth" **in any way** that is important for a poet -- or for any writer, but instead it's being able to express in words what one has had reveled to him/her in a way that brings a reader into that experience and makes a reader able to see it with one's eyes shut.
Thank you for dodging it.
21st Jan 2020 9:24am
Shouldn't this line
"But l would opt a poet ..."
be "But l would opt **to be** a poet ..."?
"To opt a poet" is meaningless and a solecism to boot.
And shouldn't your title be "My Choice Was **To Be A Poet"? After all you are not choosing someone who is a poet from others who have other occupations. Your choice was to chose between being a poet or a knight.
And are the options that you say are liked by (all?) men (not women?) really liked by (all?) men (but not women)? What's your evidence that all men want to be a knight? What's your evidence that all men (but not women) want to be a poet? There really is very little, isn't there? So it seems that what you write is governed more by wanting to construct lines that rhyme than by writing something that's true to fact and experience.
Moreover, as history shows, it's hardly true that knights were liked by all. Ask those innocents who were slaughtered by them during the Crusades or the Hundred Year's War. Ask the French at Agincourt.
"But l would opt a poet ..."
be "But l would opt **to be** a poet ..."?
"To opt a poet" is meaningless and a solecism to boot.
And shouldn't your title be "My Choice Was **To Be A Poet"? After all you are not choosing someone who is a poet from others who have other occupations. Your choice was to chose between being a poet or a knight.
And are the options that you say are liked by (all?) men (not women?) really liked by (all?) men (but not women)? What's your evidence that all men want to be a knight? What's your evidence that all men (but not women) want to be a poet? There really is very little, isn't there? So it seems that what you write is governed more by wanting to construct lines that rhyme than by writing something that's true to fact and experience.
Moreover, as history shows, it's hardly true that knights were liked by all. Ask those innocents who were slaughtered by them during the Crusades or the Hundred Year's War. Ask the French at Agincourt.
Do angels grant one’s wishes?
I would have thought
that was a Genii’s job.
I cannot see
an angel helping me
with doing my so dirty dishes but
a jinn from Ali Baba’s lore
just might, with stroking, well
assist me in accomplishing my daily chores
if I should ask him to.
He may even help me write,
upon wish two,
some poetry that might delight
my readers if
they’ve not as yet abandoned me
for constantly producing verse
that’s dreadfully didactic, full
of verbal duplications, overwrought
and under-writ grammatically
in theme and thought,
filled up with bad and ill informed
theology,
and metrically so poor.
And their return to me to think
I’m always great
with paper and with pen
despite my dire affinity
for writing inconsistently
would be what I'd set out
as my wish three.
Match that, you bene Elohim!
And show me, Joseph Z,
with some good arguments,
just how and why this isn't poetry.
I would have thought
that was a Genii’s job.
I cannot see
an angel helping me
with doing my so dirty dishes but
a jinn from Ali Baba’s lore
just might, with stroking, well
assist me in accomplishing my daily chores
if I should ask him to.
He may even help me write,
upon wish two,
some poetry that might delight
my readers if
they’ve not as yet abandoned me
for constantly producing verse
that’s dreadfully didactic, full
of verbal duplications, overwrought
and under-writ grammatically
in theme and thought,
filled up with bad and ill informed
theology,
and metrically so poor.
And their return to me to think
I’m always great
with paper and with pen
despite my dire affinity
for writing inconsistently
would be what I'd set out
as my wish three.
Match that, you bene Elohim!
And show me, Joseph Z,
with some good arguments,
just how and why this isn't poetry.
