deepundergroundpoetry.com
THE VAGUE VOYAGE
THE VAGUE VOYAGE
Old ship, you are departing far.
Your hull is not quite fit to sail
on such a sea that's getting rough,
moved by the tears the people shed.
The people urge you not to sail,
but you insist the time is due.
They ask you where the port will be,
but vague the answer you convey.
Your love is nesting in the hearts.
Where are you taking this dear hull?
You say some words that are obscure
and you depart to your dim dusk.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Old ship, you are departing far.
Your hull is not quite fit to sail
on such a sea that's getting rough,
moved by the tears the people shed.
The people urge you not to sail,
but you insist the time is due.
They ask you where the port will be,
but vague the answer you convey.
Your love is nesting in the hearts.
Where are you taking this dear hull?
You say some words that are obscure
and you depart to your dim dusk.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
17th Jan 2020 2:43pm
"Your hull is not quite fit to sail
on such a sea that's getting rough,
moved by the tears the people shed."
I wonder if you realize that what you are conveying here is the idea that the sea upon which the ship you speak of is about to sail has been made rough by certain peoples' tears. That's a rather contrary to fact assertion, isn't it?
In any case, what is the purpose behind this submission?
on such a sea that's getting rough,
moved by the tears the people shed."
I wonder if you realize that what you are conveying here is the idea that the sea upon which the ship you speak of is about to sail has been made rough by certain peoples' tears. That's a rather contrary to fact assertion, isn't it?
In any case, what is the purpose behind this submission?
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Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
17th Jan 2020 2:50pm
Very dear Baldwin,
Is it possible you don't understand the meaning of this poem?
Is it possible you don't understand the meaning of this poem?
Re: Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
It's possible, I suppose. But I don't think there's anything here to actually understand.
What's certain, however, is that you have little idea of what, given its wording, your first stanza actually asserts.
What's certain, however, is that you have little idea of what, given its wording, your first stanza actually asserts.
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Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
17th Jan 2020 7:26pm
"Where are you taking this dear hull?
You say some words that are obscure
and you depart to your dim dusk"
So the ship you are speaking of is different from and in control of its hull?
And is there such a thing as a **bright** (the opposite of dim) dusk?
Moreover, since you don't specify in this line
"Your love is nesting in the hearts."
which or whose hearts you are speaking of, (even assuming that an inanimate object such as a hull can love anyone or anything, doesn't it contain an example of deixis and is therefore poorly written?
You say some words that are obscure
and you depart to your dim dusk"
So the ship you are speaking of is different from and in control of its hull?
And is there such a thing as a **bright** (the opposite of dim) dusk?
Moreover, since you don't specify in this line
"Your love is nesting in the hearts."
which or whose hearts you are speaking of, (even assuming that an inanimate object such as a hull can love anyone or anything, doesn't it contain an example of deixis and is therefore poorly written?
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Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
Old ship,
please do not make another run upon
the broad back of the sea.
Your hull’s been breeched by time and tide and age.
And so I think, by jiminy,
that should you try once more to ride the waves,
you’ll surely sink
and end up dead down in
a watery grave
from which the ocean’s god himself
would be unable you to save.
please do not make another run upon
the broad back of the sea.
Your hull’s been breeched by time and tide and age.
And so I think, by jiminy,
that should you try once more to ride the waves,
you’ll surely sink
and end up dead down in
a watery grave
from which the ocean’s god himself
would be unable you to save.
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Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
17th Jan 2020 9:21pm
Dear Baldwin,
Believe me, l am not saying that to disappoint you, but l don't find any poetry in your writing except the iambic rhythm. Sorry Baldwin.
Believe me, l am not saying that to disappoint you, but l don't find any poetry in your writing except the iambic rhythm. Sorry Baldwin.
Re: Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
But have you not claimed that rhythm is the essence of poetry? And did you not notice that there's thyme there too -- and that, unlike what you write, my lines are comprehensible, avoid deixis and errors of syntax and grammar?
You are providing very good evidence that when it comes to judging what is and is not poetry, you work from a double standard.
In any case, so much for the validity of your claim that you are not a critic.
You are providing very good evidence that when it comes to judging what is and is not poetry, you work from a double standard.
In any case, so much for the validity of your claim that you are not a critic.
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Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
Before speaking about mistakes, please show these mistakes if you can, especially grammar mistakes. Frankly speaking, Baldwin, l think you are trying to learn how to write rhythmic poetry from me. That's what makes you interested in my poetry. Sorry again, Baldwin. You have completely dropped your mask.
Re: Re. THE VAGUE VOYAGE
18th Jan 2020 00:49am
But your poetry is always of mixed rhythms. So why would I think you would be someone I could or would want to learn from
And isn't this another dodge of my question about whether you use a double standard when you tell me my pieces -- which exhibit all the literary characteristics you say are essential for a writing to have to be poetry -- are not poetry?
As to pointing out where you've made grammar and other linguistic mistakes, I've done this numerous times already.
Yes or no -- does the piece of mine above exhibit rhythm and rhyme,. Yes or no, can deixis be found in it? Are there any grammar or syntactical mistakes in it? Does it have a theme? Yes or no.
And isn't this another dodge of my question about whether you use a double standard when you tell me my pieces -- which exhibit all the literary characteristics you say are essential for a writing to have to be poetry -- are not poetry?
As to pointing out where you've made grammar and other linguistic mistakes, I've done this numerous times already.
Yes or no -- does the piece of mine above exhibit rhythm and rhyme,. Yes or no, can deixis be found in it? Are there any grammar or syntactical mistakes in it? Does it have a theme? Yes or no.
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