THE VAGUE VOYAGE

"Your hull is not quite fit to sail
on such a sea that's getting rough,
moved by the tears the people shed."

I wonder if you realize that what you are conveying here is the idea that the sea upon which the ship you speak of is about to sail has been made rough by certain peoples' tears.  That's a rather contrary to fact assertion, isn't it?

In any case,  what is the purpose behind this submission?

Very dear Baldwin,
Is it possible you don't understand the meaning of this poem?

It's possible, I suppose.  But I don't think there's anything here to actually understand.  

What's certain, however,  is that you have little idea of what, given its wording, your first stanza actually asserts.

"Where are you taking this dear hull?
You say some words that are obscure
and you depart to your dim dusk"

So the ship you are speaking of is different from and in control of its hull?

And is there such a thing as a **bright** (the opposite of dim)  dusk?

Moreover,  since you don't specify in this line

"Your love is nesting in the hearts."

which or whose hearts you are speaking of, (even assuming that an inanimate object such as a  hull can love anyone or anything,  doesn't it contain an example of deixis and is therefore poorly written?

Old ship,
please do not make another run upon
the broad back of the sea.
Your hull’s been breeched by time and tide and age.
And  so I think, by jiminy,
that should you try once more to ride the waves,
you’ll surely sink
and end up dead down in
a watery grave  
from which the ocean’s god himself
would be unable you to save.

Dear Baldwin,
Believe me, l am not saying that to disappoint you, but l don't find any poetry in your writing except the iambic rhythm. Sorry Baldwin.

But have you not claimed that rhythm is the essence of poetry?  And did you not notice that there's thyme there too -- and that, unlike what you write,  my lines are comprehensible, avoid deixis and errors of syntax and grammar?

You are providing very good evidence that when it comes to judging what is and is not poetry, you work from a double standard.

In any case,  so much for the validity of your claim that you are not a critic.

Before speaking about mistakes, please show these mistakes if you can, especially grammar mistakes. Frankly speaking, Baldwin, l think you are trying to learn how to write rhythmic poetry from me. That's what makes you interested in my poetry. Sorry again, Baldwin. You have completely dropped your mask.

But your poetry is always of mixed rhythms.  So why would I think you would be someone I could or would want to learn from

And isn't this another dodge of my question about whether you use a double standard when you tell me my pieces -- which exhibit all the literary characteristics you say are essential for a writing to have to be poetry -- are not poetry?

As to pointing out where you've made grammar and other linguistic mistakes,  I've done this numerous times already.  

Yes or no -- does the piece of mine above exhibit rhythm and rhyme,.  Yes or no, can deixis be found in it?  Are there any grammar or syntactical mistakes in it?    Does it have a theme? Yes or no.