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Immaculate Conception

One hot August night   
Joseph looked Mary in the eye   
“I’m no fool alright!   
Tell me who’s the other guy!’   
"What you talkin 'bout Joe?"   
Said Mary acting nonchalant.   
"Don't act like you don't know,    
The truth is what I want!"   
"I saw you lift your robe before   
when you took that dump"   
"And Mary, you know I could have swore   
I spotted a baby bump!"   
"Yeah, nah Joe I'm not up the duff   
 that's from all the beer I been drinkin"   
"Let's drop the topic, enough's enough   
don't worry yourself with that kind of thinkin’"   
“A beer gut you say?” Joseph said   
With a suspicious look in his eye   
“Oh c’mon Mary, we were about to be wed   
and you had to sleep with some other guy?!”   
“I know I haven't yet made love to you   
I've acted like nothing but a saint"   
"So who's the other man Mary? Tell me who!   
'cos the fruit of my loins that aint!”   
“Now calm down and listen to me Joe   
God's way is mysterious, innit?"   
"The truth 'bout my belly y’know…..   
I got shagged by the holy spirit!"   
“Aaahhhhhhhhhh!!!” Joseph cried   
"You mean God was your first fuck?"   
“Damn you Lord! You selfish snide!   
How dare you make me into a cuck!”   
“Joe baby, come now, chill."   
Mary said with a smirk on her face   
"I’m preggers with the kid who will   
one day be running this place."   
"The Holy Spirit told me God's plan   
While he smashed my virgin fanny"   
"He said this kid is gonna be the man,   
The whole thing was totes uncanny"   
"So when it comes me time to give birth   
You gotta take me to Bethlehem,   
So I can pump out the Savior of the Earth   
Now Joe, can I get an Amen?"   
"In your story Mary, I have belief   
I'll take you to Bethlehem on my mule"   
Mary rubbed his beard and sighed with relief   
and thought “This guy's a god damn fool.”  

Written by RexDurkin
Published | Edited 12th Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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