She breaks herself

Wow, NuBorn.  This is one of the most succinct poems I have yet to read in regards to depression and cutting.   I know a few illustrating the same pattern - poetry became a crutch for attention—a rock quarry where words were busted up and hauled out by bleeding hands in hopes someone notice.  

It should never be that hard; poetry is a release, a safe haven from the world, not a prison which holds you captive.  But, the old tree you take respite under. But like religion, its meaning has been twisted by those who suffer from fear.  

To honor your request for honest critique:

I'm going to demonstrate how punctuation could eliminate redundant words, as well as guide the reader via specific placement to enhance the experience.

She breaks her own heart
[To] formulate words
[to] heal other broken hearts!

Sometimes repetition works; sometimes it doesn't. This stanza contains both examples of how it works, i.e. - hearts emphasizes the extent so works well repeating.  Where it doesn't work is with the preposition to, because it adds nothing to emphasize.   Therefore, I would recommend removing the first altogether, and altering the tense of formulate to formulating. If the changes were adopted, it would read like this:

She breaks her own heart
formulating words
to heal other broken hearts—

I want to commend you on this particular stanza in regards to the assonance of a/e/o throughout. The br also provides fantastic alliteration, as does the h.  Its very lyrical in its construction.  Lastly, I selected the em dash to connect the adjoining thoughts into the next stanza – as it's a continuation of the first.  The em dash is very versatile, and can replace  commas, parentheses, or colons for different effects.  It could also be used in the second stanza:

She claims to be in love with poetry;
yet, I [now] see how toxic their relationship is—
she is in love with a narcissist!

I adjusted the capitalization to reflect the beginning of sentences only.  This helps the newer reader not acclimated to reading poetry, and increases the flow.  I joined lines with both a semi colon and em dash in this stanza, as well as inserting a comma to a brief pause.  I also corrected the spelling of narcissist.  If adopted, this stanza would read as follows:

she claims to be in love with poetry;
yet, I see how toxic their relationship is—
she is in love with a narcissist!

Again, the repetition of she/in love works to enhance the emphasis of the subject, as well as provide some very lyrical alliteration, assonance, and consonance throughout the verse. The word narcissist drives the consonance of s home!  I commend you on your vocabulary choices; you seem to have a knack for that in your poetry.

In the third stanza, I would divide L1. I realize that the form is tercets; however, don't allow form to disrupt the natural flow of poetry:

She aspires to be counted /among the greatest poets of our time
[That's why] she slashes her wrists each night—
[To] discover what words pain would bring!

I would also replace 'that's why' with 'so' to add some alliteration to that delicious s weaves throughout the stanza. Again, I adjusted the capitalization to reflect the beginning of sentences only; and, inserted an em dash to connect the same train of thoughts.  These allow for a brief pauses, which will build the crescendo of the next line. Lastly, I strongly suggest removing to, and altering the tense from discover to discovering to end this stanza with some marvelous assonance and consonance between discovering/pain/bring. If adopted, it would read as such:

She aspires to be counted
among the greatest poets of our time;
so, she slashes her wrists each night—
discovering what words pain would bring!

I mean read the above stanza aloud. It sings and moves so melodically with all the alliteration, consonance, and assonance!  Notice I only suggested replacing one word and altering the tense of another.  It was all you, this poem.  I'm just gently teaching you about punctuation, and the emphasis it can make on poetry.

If we put the three edited stanzas together, this is what the poem would look like:

She breaks herself

She breaks her own heart
formulating words
to heal other broken hearts—

she claims to be in love with poetry;
yet, I see how toxic their relationship is—
she is in love with a narcissist!

She aspires to be counted
among the greatest poets of our time;
so, she slashes her wrists each night—
discovering what words pain would bring!

If you gently go through the remaining stanzas keeping the above in mind, you could tighten this already great poem!   Keep in mind critique, outside of proper spelling and grammar ( except where intentional emphasis is used for purposes of dialect ), is the opinion of the critiquer honoring your request for such opinion.  In the end it is up to you to decide what you want for your own poem.

Thank you for sharing and thank you for the opportunity to provide honest feedback.  

Hey, Ahavati. I can't find words to thank you enough for the scrutiny and the critique of this piece. I am grateful from the depths of my heart. Thank you!

I have gone through your suggestions and found them very useful in combating my verbosity and eliminating redundant words. I am also learning about the use of punctuation, more especially the em dash, to enhance the imagery portrayed .  

I have adopted your recommendations and altered the complete tense of the poem to a past continues tense. When I read it aloud, I can hear how much difference the elimination of redundant words has on the rhythm of this poem. Thank you so much!

I have tried to alter the remaining stanzas, in light of the feedback you've provided. Changing capitalization to show the starting of a new sentence and used punctuation marks to join thoughts, separate thoughts and to guide the reader on short pauses. I hope I have done it right.  

Thank you so much for such an expressive critique, I am so grateful for it. I have learnt a lot from it too. And thank you for recommending my piece and adding it into your RL.  

Love♥
NuBorn

Wow!  What a great job you did on the revisions!  There are those who have to study hard ( myself ), and apparently those who pick things up in the blink of an eye ( you )!  Seriously, you did a bang up job of editing, NuBorn. Punctuation is the prose of poetry because it guides the reader—you have the power to slow them down, speed them up, have them pause, and so much more.  It all depends on how YOU want your poetry read.  

You're a talented writer and I immensely enjoy your offerings.  It was a pleasure to help you.

I guess I should try studying hard myself in revising each piece I write before I post. I most definitely will start using my newly acquired knowledge on effective punctuation. Thank you a million for your help♥♥♥♥

It's an honor to work with a poet who strives to improve, NuBorn!

When Ahavati points out to me a talented writer, I dearly listen.  

And while I am a sucker for rhymes -

"She uses men as muses"

 - that the female "uses men" to suit her own purposes prevails as intended.

I am glad to be reading you now; keep up the great work.  My robot assistant will be along shortly to RL this.

Thank you so much Johnny and thanks to your robot assistant☺☺☺

A beautiful tragedy...
Nice writing, new. Very expressive... She must be important to you?

She's a dear friend, I had hoped things between us would work out but unfortunately they did not. It is painful to see her burning herself though, trying to add some light into the world

Awww... It is sad, indeed. Although, I do not know her personally, I wish the best for her ❤️

Some people are their own worst enemy, eh?

True.

Thank you for your kind words NB :)