deepundergroundpoetry.com
AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN
AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN
A man loves meekness in a woman's eyes.
Their mildness has the role of the strong pull.
They flow without permission into hearts.
So lucky is the man who gains their glow.
How much he loves the beauty of a girl
who enfolds charm that dwells in her coy face.
He looks at her with fire that ignites
his deep desire to hold and to embrace.
Her calm appeal incites his heart to feel
she can be his dear wife and he her mate.
He would like such a girl to share his life
here on the earth and even there above.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
A man loves meekness in a woman's eyes.
Their mildness has the role of the strong pull.
They flow without permission into hearts.
So lucky is the man who gains their glow.
How much he loves the beauty of a girl
who enfolds charm that dwells in her coy face.
He looks at her with fire that ignites
his deep desire to hold and to embrace.
Her calm appeal incites his heart to feel
she can be his dear wife and he her mate.
He would like such a girl to share his life
here on the earth and even there above.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 6th Jan 2020
| Edited 7th Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
7th Jan 2020 11:06am
I think this is very sweet. I like the way you wrote about love. Well done.
7th Jan 2020 11:43am
Dear CP,
I like your very kind words. Thank your very much. I read what you wrote about yourself. I like what you said. Therefore, l've followed you.
I like your very kind words. Thank your very much. I read what you wrote about yourself. I like what you said. Therefore, l've followed you.
7th Jan 2020 1:38pm
Very dear NB,
Thank you very much for giving me a trophy. You are very kind, and encouraging.
Thank you very much for giving me a trophy. You are very kind, and encouraging.
What are you trying to say with this line:
"Their mildness has the turn of strongest pull. "
That is to say, what is a turn of "strongest pull"? And isn't there an article missing here?
"Their mildness has the turn of strongest pull. "
That is to say, what is a turn of "strongest pull"? And isn't there an article missing here?
7th Jan 2020 4:04pm
7th Jan 2020 5:45pm
Interesting. An implicit admission that you did not write well.
But what is the position or purpose or function of the strong pull? And is this position or purpose that someone or something has in a situation, organization, society, or relationship ever played by anything else besides the mildness of an attractive woman, even assuming that such mildness has a strong pull on anything?
But what is the position or purpose or function of the strong pull? And is this position or purpose that someone or something has in a situation, organization, society, or relationship ever played by anything else besides the mildness of an attractive woman, even assuming that such mildness has a strong pull on anything?
These lines:
He looks at her with fire that ignites
his deep desire to hold and to embrace.
are problematic. They need a stated direct object of the verbs "hold" and "embrace" for them to be considered well written, not to mention to make sense (after all, they are transitive, yes?) If you will defend them by claiming that the object of these verbs is clearly implied, you'd be wrong. And on top of that, you are making readers do work that shouldn't have been asked of them.
Sorry, but this is a stellar example of poor writing. It's governed by the idea that measurement is more important than making sense.
He looks at her with fire that ignites
his deep desire to hold and to embrace.
are problematic. They need a stated direct object of the verbs "hold" and "embrace" for them to be considered well written, not to mention to make sense (after all, they are transitive, yes?) If you will defend them by claiming that the object of these verbs is clearly implied, you'd be wrong. And on top of that, you are making readers do work that shouldn't have been asked of them.
Sorry, but this is a stellar example of poor writing. It's governed by the idea that measurement is more important than making sense.
7th Jan 2020 7:58pm
My woman’s eyes are filled
with deep, beguiling light
that calls to me
with all the sirened magic of
a bright and homing star
on wild and wind filled nights
Ah see how I am helpless now
within their subtle thrall.
with deep, beguiling light
that calls to me
with all the sirened magic of
a bright and homing star
on wild and wind filled nights
Ah see how I am helpless now
within their subtle thrall.
