deepundergroundpoetry.com
Since You Asked
A dreamer
A lover
Loyal to the core
A sheep Dog
A warrior
Still fighting the war
Lingering in my head
Those demons buried deep
Seeping from locked boxes
And stealing my sleep
A friend
An enemy
Which one is up to you
A lion
A pit bull
Holding on 'til I am through
I have trouble letting in
And even more letting go
Protector to those close
Nightmare to my foes
A person
A human
Trying to be a normal guy
An ambivert
A Drunk
Who loves drinking rye
So who am I
This is what you want to know
I am a lil bit of everything
With epic highs, devastating lows
A lover
Loyal to the core
A sheep Dog
A warrior
Still fighting the war
Lingering in my head
Those demons buried deep
Seeping from locked boxes
And stealing my sleep
A friend
An enemy
Which one is up to you
A lion
A pit bull
Holding on 'til I am through
I have trouble letting in
And even more letting go
Protector to those close
Nightmare to my foes
A person
A human
Trying to be a normal guy
An ambivert
A Drunk
Who loves drinking rye
So who am I
This is what you want to know
I am a lil bit of everything
With epic highs, devastating lows
Published 5th Jan 2020
| Edited 22nd Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 12
reads 701
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
A very solid form you have going here.
If I could suggest a few things ...
Consider replacing " foe" with enemy since you repeat "foes" later on.
Also, do you really need "and" in the final line? Try swapping it with a comma and then reading it.
Lastly,
"A warrior
Still fighting the war
It’s still in my head
Those demons buried deep"
Perhaps that second "It's still" could be replaced with something like "Lingering". I suggest this because "it" is a singular thing, whereas it is being used to describe more than one demon.
If I could suggest a few things ...
Consider replacing " foe" with enemy since you repeat "foes" later on.
Also, do you really need "and" in the final line? Try swapping it with a comma and then reading it.
Lastly,
"A warrior
Still fighting the war
It’s still in my head
Those demons buried deep"
Perhaps that second "It's still" could be replaced with something like "Lingering". I suggest this because "it" is a singular thing, whereas it is being used to describe more than one demon.
5th Jan 2020 10:05am
Thank you for your comment's Mr. Blaze
Any feedback is always appreciated
they were excellent suggestions, and they were incorporated as well
Any feedback is always appreciated
they were excellent suggestions, and they were incorporated as well
5th Jan 2020 10:07am
5th Jan 2020 2:30pm
21st Jan 2020 00:13am
Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to stop by and read this
5th Jan 2020 8:12pm
8th Jan 2020 1:15am
there's nothing quite like poetry that stems from holding the mirror to one's insides.
such a revelation
such a revelation
8th Jan 2020 1:31am
Thank you for your kind words Shadoe, and taking the time to read my poem.
20th Jan 2020 11:42pm
This is great and just think on his i got my own demons i fight everyday and hard to avoid them.
But loved it hun and keep it up🤗🤗🤗🤗
But loved it hun and keep it up🤗🤗🤗🤗
21st Jan 2020 00:15am
Appreciate you taking your time to stop in and read this
And thank you for your kind words
And thank you for your kind words
21st Jan 2020 00:15am
Appreciate you taking your time to stop in and read this
And thank you for your kind words
And thank you for your kind words
21st Jan 2020 00:24am
