Adventures of a Pervert

Downtown Los Angeles,
October 2019
 
It’s a sweltering day, and that  
bastard sun sits gloating o’er the city -  
pouring his arrogance onto those who
dare trespass within his vision.
 
All the pretty women seem  
okay with the heat; as they can be  
seen strolling through town
in their shoulderless tops and impossibly  
short trousers that showcase a bright
smile under each cheek.  
 
All of their bottoms smile in this way;
encouraging wayward eyes to  
misbehave as their owners struggle
to confine them;
 
and me -

well, I am no different from the other
dogs who were trusted to walk  
themselves today.
 
I can’t put into words exactly
what state my mind was in
as I approached the intersection and  
found myself standing behind  
two lovely ladies - each with two  
beautiful smiles of their own; I
found it hard to avert my gaze but
did manage to do so.
 
Too late. I was seen.
 
One of the ladies - a beautiful
chestnut brunette with eyes that
spoke of open fields alive with
shamrocks and thick grasses -
begins to yell at me.
 
           “Where you staring at my ass?”
 
Wanting to lie, but realizing it
pointless as I feel the heat  
wash over my face, I can only
muster four words.
 
         “I didn’t mean to”
 
My answer seems only to  
enrage her; and I understood.
Women deserve better than to be
gawked t by scoundrels such as I;
but I can only do so much to
control myself.
 
As I listen to her yell, I begin to
feel very peculiar; as though my
gut was swimming with tiny  
fish, darting to and fro.
 
The disgusted voice of her
strawberry blonde friend breaks
my trance.
 
              “What the fuck is that?”
she screams, pointing at my jeans.
 
I look down and, behold;
a solitary peak standing in a
vast blue desert.  
 
Confusion begins to overwhelm me.
 
The brunette smirks, seeming to
realize something beyond  
my own understanding.
 
With a hard thrust of her finger
into my chest, she begins to scream.
 
                          “PERVERT!”
 
She continues to scream loudly
as I feel an immense pressure  
building within me.
I can no longer stand it.
 
My mind reels as my gut begins
to tense and jerk slightly; the mountain
erupts, setting the desert ablaze.
 
Both women now stand, hands  
held over their gaping mouths.
 
I ran - warmth spreading across my groin.
 
I arrived at my apartment where I  
was greeted by the female  
security officer - who, by the way, also  
keeps a well manicured back yard.
 
Her smile fades when she spots
the moisture in my trousers.
 
                        “Did you piss yourself?”
 
I lower my gaze.
 
                        “No”
 
I hurry passed as realization quakes
across her face; up to my single bedroom,
where I shower and cry as the birds
outside my window chirp in a  
mocking chorus; amused by my shame.
 
*********
 
Two weeks have passed and I
sit in a coffee shop enjoying a
medium roast with cream, watching
the city outside the window
go about its daily affairs.  
 
I become aware of a pair of eyes
looking in my direction from  
across the room;
 
green eyes peeking out from a  
lovely face framed by chestnut hair.
 
                         “Oh god, it’s her”
 
I feel the flesh of my face
begin to boil as she quickly
closes the distance between us.
 
To my surprise, she smiled  
warmly and introduced herself.
 
                  “I’m Leslie”
 
I was not sure what to make  
of this moment, but I returned her smile.
 
     “Hello, Leslie. I’m ….”
 
                    “I don’t care what your name is. Your a pervert
                         and that’s what I’ll call you.”
 
I was speechless, and could only
stare blankly as she continued to speak.
 
                    “I have a studio on the second floor. Follow me upstairs”
 
She was a gorgeous woman, but
in light of recent events, I could not  
bring myself to accept her invitation.
I politely decline.
 
                      “I WAS NOT ASKING!”  
 
She grabs my hand and pulls me
along while my coffee cup is left to
contemplate it’s loneliness,
as the steam of it’s caffeinated  
blood slowly leaves
and it’s body turns cold.