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A VOICE FROM THE PAST
A VOICE FROM THE PAST
A beggar sat beside a church.
A baby slept on her thin arm.
A lullaby she sang to him;
it conveyed me such profound charm.
I stood so near but looked away.
I was all ears to her soft voice.
Hot tears welled from my blushing eyes,
but her song made my heart rejoice.
It was the song my mother'd sung
when she kept us under her wing.
I missed that voice that brought us sleep
with that soft tune she used to sing.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
A beggar sat beside a church.
A baby slept on her thin arm.
A lullaby she sang to him;
it conveyed me such profound charm.
I stood so near but looked away.
I was all ears to her soft voice.
Hot tears welled from my blushing eyes,
but her song made my heart rejoice.
It was the song my mother'd sung
when she kept us under her wing.
I missed that voice that brought us sleep
with that soft tune she used to sing.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
27th Dec 2019 2:32pm
How are you stressing the words in these lines?
"How it conveyed me such profound charm."
"when she kept us under her wing."
"How it conveyed me such profound charm."
"when she kept us under her wing."
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Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
27th Dec 2019 2:46pm
Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
My mistake. I joined part of my question to you with your line accidentally.
So where do the stresses fall in these lines? (Or to put this another way, how are you pronouncing the words within them?)
"it conveyed me such profound charm."
"when she kept us under her wing."
And isn't the syntactically correct expression "it conveyed **to** me .."?
So where do the stresses fall in these lines? (Or to put this another way, how are you pronouncing the words within them?)
"it conveyed me such profound charm."
"when she kept us under her wing."
And isn't the syntactically correct expression "it conveyed **to** me .."?
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Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
27th Dec 2019 4:20pm
1-You can't find all the stresses and unstresses accurrately placed even with SHAKESPEARE himself.
2- it conveyed me such profound charm. Conveyed, indirect object, direct object. It doesn't require TO.
2- it conveyed me such profound charm. Conveyed, indirect object, direct object. It doesn't require TO.
Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
"You can't find all the stresses and unstresses accurrately [sic] placed even with [sic by? in?] SHAKESPEARE himself." is not an answer to my question, though it is an implicit admission that your meter/rhythm **is** off. And haven't you previously claimed that you always write in an impeccable rhythm?
Furthermore -- and more importantly -- if you are going to appeal to the "fact" that inaccurate stresses are normal for even the greats of poetry, and therefore you have justification for writing lines in an imperfect rhythm, you have no grounds (unless you like presenting yourself as a hypocrite) for saying that I have written poorly when I (supposedly) set out lines in an imperfect meter. Why am I not allowed to do what you now say you have leave to do? Goose and gander.
And when you say "conveyed me", "me" is the direct object of the verb. You need a "to" in order to make it clear that "profound charm" is the direct object of the verb and that "me" is its indirect object
Furthermore -- and more importantly -- if you are going to appeal to the "fact" that inaccurate stresses are normal for even the greats of poetry, and therefore you have justification for writing lines in an imperfect rhythm, you have no grounds (unless you like presenting yourself as a hypocrite) for saying that I have written poorly when I (supposedly) set out lines in an imperfect meter. Why am I not allowed to do what you now say you have leave to do? Goose and gander.
And when you say "conveyed me", "me" is the direct object of the verb. You need a "to" in order to make it clear that "profound charm" is the direct object of the verb and that "me" is its indirect object
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Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
27th Dec 2019 5:26pm
Profound charm: is what is conveyed
Me:is the indirect object. It is conveyed to me. Therefore, we can say
It conveyed profound charm to me. Or
It conveyed me profound charm. According to the placements of the direct and the indirect object.
In order not to treat as "Goose and gander", l can say, don't exaggerate. If it is one or two mistakes in the whole poem, it is acceptable. Don't write the whole poem in such a way.
Me:is the indirect object. It is conveyed to me. Therefore, we can say
It conveyed profound charm to me. Or
It conveyed me profound charm. According to the placements of the direct and the indirect object.
In order not to treat as "Goose and gander", l can say, don't exaggerate. If it is one or two mistakes in the whole poem, it is acceptable. Don't write the whole poem in such a way.
Re: Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
27th Dec 2019 6:14pm
"It conveyed me profound charm. According to the placements of the direct and the indirect object."
But unfortunately, it is not clear that "me" is the direct object, even should there be a rule that the placement of a pronoun after the verb "convey" indicates that it is the indirect object of this verb.
But unfortunately, it is not clear that "me" is the direct object, even should there be a rule that the placement of a pronoun after the verb "convey" indicates that it is the indirect object of this verb.
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Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
I'm still waiting for you to tell me how you pronounce the lines I asked you about, not to mention to show me that -- and not through selective quotation -- I have written the whole of anything in a faulty meter.
Here (again) 's a piece of mine that you claimed was full of inconsistent meter that is set out with it's stresses emphasized:
I WANT to WRITE a PLAINTive HYMN
that CAPtures ALL my SENSE of HOW
much JEsus JEsus JEsus SHOULD be LOVED, and FERventLY, by SINners MUCH like ME, that FLOWS ecSTATicaLY
with AN unBRIDLed FULL deVOtion LIKE a TORrid STREAM that’s AIMED and SURGing TOW’RD the OceAN,
that RAPtures WELL Above the WEIGHTed BONDS of EARTH those SEEKing THEIR salVAtion TROUGH
a WATer’d SECond BIRTH.
But THEN i MUST conFESS that WHEN i SAY
my PRAY’RS at NIGHT Lord JEsus COMES to TELL me THAT he’d REALly REALly WISH I’d CEASE atTEMPTing WHAT
I’m TRYIg NOW to DO. For AFter ALL, he SOLemnLY deCLARES “You CANnot WRITE.
And EV’ryTHING you PEN’S a MESS”.
“It’s ALways FULL of GRAMmar GAFFES,
inVERsions, AWKward SPEECH, and GROSS
synTACtic InfeLICiTIES that IF i WERE to HEAR it SUNG
would HURT my EARS;
and BRING me THEN to ABject TEARS; and YOUR
so PIous CLAIMS made THERE
aBOUT how ONE should UNDerSTAND the WORDS set OUT withIN God’s HOLy BOOK
diSTRESS me, TOO. For ALL they DO is SHOW
that YOU don’t KNOW what SCRIPture SAYS much FROM your ASS”.
“I DO not WISH to EVer BE one WORshiped IN this WAY; that IS to SAY, i CANnot STAND
reCEIVing POEsied PRAISE
whose PHRASing’s HARDly LiTerATE,
that's POORly RHYMED, and IS linGUISTic’LY all UNreFINED and SMELLing LIKE bad GAS
as IS (and DOES) the CRAP you TRY to PASS to ME that YOU preSUMabLY
beLIEVE is SOMEthing THAT is E qual IN its STRAINS, its MusicALiTY to ALL
the COURsing BEAUty OF a MOZart OR a BACH writ PIECE,
or EVen TO the SIMPelIST GreGORiAN, liTURgiCAL reFRAIN.”
“So STOP for HEAVen’s SAKE unTIL you LEARN to SEE
that YOUR quite EV i DENT asSUMPtion THAT you ARE inCAPaBLE of WRITing ANyTING
that’s NOT in FORM
and IN perCEPtion ALL poETiCAL perFECtion NEver LESS
than GIFTed GOLDen COMpoSI tion LITerAR i LY asTUTE with WORDS welled UP
in SUMPTuous VERbal GRACE
that RENder OTHer WOULD-be HYMNists ENviOUS
and MUTE is WOE ful LY, deMON strab LY unTRUE.
I’m BEGging YOU!”
But DO i HEED all THAT he SAYS? Well, HAVE a LOOK
at WHAT i WRITE to SEE and TELL me WHAT you THINK.
If JEsus IS corRECT, and YOU are IN the KNOW
aBOUT good VERSE and HOW it IS set OUT, you’ll BE oBLIGED to SAY,
perHAPS to SHOUT,
the ANswer’s “NO, your WRITing STINKS!”.
It seems to me that your claim is based upon your faulty reading of the piece. You have not read the lines accurately or in context and taken account of how my enjambment works, and you have yet to show that any of those lines that you think are off metrically are not consistent with standard iambic substitutions.
And I will hold you to your claim that a few lines within a piece are allowed to be metered inconsistently as grounds for still seeing this as well written.
Here (again) 's a piece of mine that you claimed was full of inconsistent meter that is set out with it's stresses emphasized:
I WANT to WRITE a PLAINTive HYMN
that CAPtures ALL my SENSE of HOW
much JEsus JEsus JEsus SHOULD be LOVED, and FERventLY, by SINners MUCH like ME, that FLOWS ecSTATicaLY
with AN unBRIDLed FULL deVOtion LIKE a TORrid STREAM that’s AIMED and SURGing TOW’RD the OceAN,
that RAPtures WELL Above the WEIGHTed BONDS of EARTH those SEEKing THEIR salVAtion TROUGH
a WATer’d SECond BIRTH.
But THEN i MUST conFESS that WHEN i SAY
my PRAY’RS at NIGHT Lord JEsus COMES to TELL me THAT he’d REALly REALly WISH I’d CEASE atTEMPTing WHAT
I’m TRYIg NOW to DO. For AFter ALL, he SOLemnLY deCLARES “You CANnot WRITE.
And EV’ryTHING you PEN’S a MESS”.
“It’s ALways FULL of GRAMmar GAFFES,
inVERsions, AWKward SPEECH, and GROSS
synTACtic InfeLICiTIES that IF i WERE to HEAR it SUNG
would HURT my EARS;
and BRING me THEN to ABject TEARS; and YOUR
so PIous CLAIMS made THERE
aBOUT how ONE should UNDerSTAND the WORDS set OUT withIN God’s HOLy BOOK
diSTRESS me, TOO. For ALL they DO is SHOW
that YOU don’t KNOW what SCRIPture SAYS much FROM your ASS”.
“I DO not WISH to EVer BE one WORshiped IN this WAY; that IS to SAY, i CANnot STAND
reCEIVing POEsied PRAISE
whose PHRASing’s HARDly LiTerATE,
that's POORly RHYMED, and IS linGUISTic’LY all UNreFINED and SMELLing LIKE bad GAS
as IS (and DOES) the CRAP you TRY to PASS to ME that YOU preSUMabLY
beLIEVE is SOMEthing THAT is E qual IN its STRAINS, its MusicALiTY to ALL
the COURsing BEAUty OF a MOZart OR a BACH writ PIECE,
or EVen TO the SIMPelIST GreGORiAN, liTURgiCAL reFRAIN.”
“So STOP for HEAVen’s SAKE unTIL you LEARN to SEE
that YOUR quite EV i DENT asSUMPtion THAT you ARE inCAPaBLE of WRITing ANyTING
that’s NOT in FORM
and IN perCEPtion ALL poETiCAL perFECtion NEver LESS
than GIFTed GOLDen COMpoSI tion LITerAR i LY asTUTE with WORDS welled UP
in SUMPTuous VERbal GRACE
that RENder OTHer WOULD-be HYMNists ENviOUS
and MUTE is WOE ful LY, deMON strab LY unTRUE.
I’m BEGging YOU!”
But DO i HEED all THAT he SAYS? Well, HAVE a LOOK
at WHAT i WRITE to SEE and TELL me WHAT you THINK.
If JEsus IS corRECT, and YOU are IN the KNOW
aBOUT good VERSE and HOW it IS set OUT, you’ll BE oBLIGED to SAY,
perHAPS to SHOUT,
the ANswer’s “NO, your WRITing STINKS!”.
It seems to me that your claim is based upon your faulty reading of the piece. You have not read the lines accurately or in context and taken account of how my enjambment works, and you have yet to show that any of those lines that you think are off metrically are not consistent with standard iambic substitutions.
And I will hold you to your claim that a few lines within a piece are allowed to be metered inconsistently as grounds for still seeing this as well written.
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Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
27th Dec 2019 8:09pm
I heard a beggar sing today.
Her voice was like
my mother’s when,
a child at night
upon her lap,
she’d sing me off to sleep
with lullabies.
The memory
caused me to weep.
And after I had shed some tears
I passed the beggar by.
Her voice was like
my mother’s when,
a child at night
upon her lap,
she’d sing me off to sleep
with lullabies.
The memory
caused me to weep.
And after I had shed some tears
I passed the beggar by.
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Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
28th Dec 2019 2:54pm
or perhaps
While walking out today
upon the lane
I heard a beggar sing.
Her voice, I thought, was like
my mother’s when, within my younger years,
she’d sing me off to sleep
upon her lap with lullabies.
The memory (a small but wounding thing),
caused me to stop and weep
some small nostalgic tears.
But after I had dried my eyes
and willfully returned myself
to settled presentness,
I hit my stride again
and passed the beggar by.
While walking out today
upon the lane
I heard a beggar sing.
Her voice, I thought, was like
my mother’s when, within my younger years,
she’d sing me off to sleep
upon her lap with lullabies.
The memory (a small but wounding thing),
caused me to stop and weep
some small nostalgic tears.
But after I had dried my eyes
and willfully returned myself
to settled presentness,
I hit my stride again
and passed the beggar by.
0
Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
28th Dec 2019 5:29pm
Re. A VOICE FROM THE PAST
2nd Jan 2020 4:44pm
A nostalgic story, brought back memories of my own mother singing me to sleep as a child.
Your vivid recollection was enjoyable to read, and conveyed emotion to the reader in a meaningful way. I liked your basic rhyming scheme - it flowed well, and the title you chose is well-suited for the poem. I liked this a lot, Joseph :)
Your vivid recollection was enjoyable to read, and conveyed emotion to the reader in a meaningful way. I liked your basic rhyming scheme - it flowed well, and the title you chose is well-suited for the poem. I liked this a lot, Joseph :)
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