deepundergroundpoetry.com
TOO FAST
TOO FAST
How can you convince a man
that this life has got a sense ?
Don't you see how the past went,
taking those whom we knew well ?
Every morn's daily routine
forms the tedious waste of time.
When it's done, the sun's fast steed
will be neighing loud at dusk.
We intend to mark the day
to produce a distinct one.
We behold the sun is up,
announcing the coming dawn.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
How can you convince a man
that this life has got a sense ?
Don't you see how the past went,
taking those whom we knew well ?
Every morn's daily routine
forms the tedious waste of time.
When it's done, the sun's fast steed
will be neighing loud at dusk.
We intend to mark the day
to produce a distinct one.
We behold the sun is up,
announcing the coming dawn.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 21st Dec 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 11
reads 306
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
"Don't you see how the past went,
taking those whom we knew well ?"
Taking those whom he knew well **where""?
And what is it that life has a sense of? Did you mean to say that life "makes sense"?
taking those whom we knew well ?"
Taking those whom he knew well **where""?
And what is it that life has a sense of? Did you mean to say that life "makes sense"?
Are you sure the past can “went”?
Isn’t it events that come and go?
What’s with saying that an upward sun
signals that the dawn is **yet** to come?
Nonsense,
incoherent nonsense’s
what you write;
stanzas unrelated in their opaque themes;
better spent
your time
avoiding writing these.
Isn’t it events that come and go?
What’s with saying that an upward sun
signals that the dawn is **yet** to come?
Nonsense,
incoherent nonsense’s
what you write;
stanzas unrelated in their opaque themes;
better spent
your time
avoiding writing these.
21st Dec 2019 6:58pm
Dear Baldwin,
I don't find anything in your criticism worth answering. Sorry.
I don't find anything in your criticism worth answering. Sorry.
That, presumably, is because you have no real sense of what makes for clear writing and are unable to demonstrate that the questions I raised about whether or not what you wrote makes sense are illegitimate.
Are you really saying that a risen sun is a sign that the sun has not yet risen?
Are you really saying that a risen sun is a sign that the sun has not yet risen?
I’m unable to convince a man
that his sparse life has meaning
and makes sense
if nothing ever comes to him
as recompense for all he’s lost
to all the dissapating siphonings
of passing time.
The price he’s paid for putting stock
into the false idea that everything
he’s ever loved was permanent
has sent him to a world
filled up with grey despair and emptiness.
The dawning sun has little chance
of brightening his day.
Like others he's been forced by change
to stumble through,
he knows that each and every
of their heavy moments will
be tinged with nothing more
than forlorn bitterness
that steals away what little happiness
a new born day might hold.
that his sparse life has meaning
and makes sense
if nothing ever comes to him
as recompense for all he’s lost
to all the dissapating siphonings
of passing time.
The price he’s paid for putting stock
into the false idea that everything
he’s ever loved was permanent
has sent him to a world
filled up with grey despair and emptiness.
The dawning sun has little chance
of brightening his day.
Like others he's been forced by change
to stumble through,
he knows that each and every
of their heavy moments will
be tinged with nothing more
than forlorn bitterness
that steals away what little happiness
a new born day might hold.
22nd Dec 2019 8:28am
Dear Baldwin,
You take my rhythmic poem, and you write your prose paraphrasing. What you write proves that you understand my poem although you claim otherwise, but you can't write poetry as poetry should have rhythm.
You take my rhythmic poem, and you write your prose paraphrasing. What you write proves that you understand my poem although you claim otherwise, but you can't write poetry as poetry should have rhythm.
You keep saying that the pieces I send to you do not have rhythm. But when asked to back up your claim, you fail to do so. Why is that?
Is it because you have no ability to scan what I write? That's what you are increasingly indicating.
It is also growing clear that you have no idea what the action of paraphrasing entails or what the word "paraphrase" means.
And are you really saying that a risen sun is a sign that the sun has not yet risen?
Is it because you have no ability to scan what I write? That's what you are increasingly indicating.
It is also growing clear that you have no idea what the action of paraphrasing entails or what the word "paraphrase" means.
And are you really saying that a risen sun is a sign that the sun has not yet risen?
22nd Dec 2019 2:21pm
When people use ad hominems In response to requests instead of actually doing what they are asked to do, it means that they are unable to do what they are asked to do.
And unless you want to claim that your claims are unimportant, my request that you back them up is hardly an example of me being garrulous.
And are you really saying that a risen sun is a sign that the sun has not yet risen
And unless you want to claim that your claims are unimportant, my request that you back them up is hardly an example of me being garrulous.
And are you really saying that a risen sun is a sign that the sun has not yet risen
I'd be grateful if you'd show me how and where these lines (or any others in my piece) lack "rhythm"
The DAWNing SUN has LITtle CHANCE
of BRIGHTtenING his DAY.
Like OTHers HE's been FORCED by CHANGE
to STUMble THROUGH,
The DAWNing SUN has LITtle CHANCE
of BRIGHTtenING his DAY.
Like OTHers HE's been FORCED by CHANGE
to STUMble THROUGH,
23rd Dec 2019 3:23pm
Oh look. Another day has passed and there's still no demonstration from you of the truth of your claim about the absence of "rhythm" in my piece. What's to be made of this? Is it not that when it comes to your ability to scan writings for the meter they do or do not contain, you have none?
