Cutting Out The Climax (Therapy)

I was looking at my hands again. The tremors are still there.
My right foot still hurts.  
I must have braced it to tight.  
  
'how did I get here? did I drive?'  
"What was that?"  
'oh....nothing....'  
   
June. Monday.  
Sitting in the therapists office is odd. Well, the first day anyways.  
She has macaroni pictures taped to the front of her desk. They say things like 'We love you!', 'We'll miss you!' with some of the letters missing. They must have fell off somewhere. Was she a teacher some where else? She french presses her own coffee, I know that smell anywhere and I ask what kind.  
"Ummm, it's a dark blend from Starbucks?"  
'Is it the one with the bear on it?'  
"Yeah!"  
'It's Yukon. It's the best one.'  
"How did you know?!"  
'I used to be a barista...'  
"Oh! Neat!"  
   
She's looking through my files I guess. I have those now. I feel so important.  
Im sure she's gone through them more than once and knows my history.  
Hearing my problems being listed all at once in a row is kind of rough.  
I had a weak smirk on at first....and as she kept going....  
'Oh...you have ALL of my medical history...'  
Count five minutes to yourself in your head hearing it all out loud....It takes its toll.  
'This isn't fun anymore....  
Wait, when the fuck was this ever fun you idiot...'  
*sigh*  
I shake my head, I had stopped listening again. I think I went back into autopilot.  
She's explaining the program to me now. Three days a week, It'll start out in a group and will transition into 1 on 1s when I feel comfortable. It's all about time she says. Funny, I used to say that all the ti....  
   
"Okay so we're going to get you set up with our physicians, they'll just check up on your general health and check if all of your medications are still recommended and approved...Depending on what they.....oh my....you're on four already? Okay they might recommend three more so just know that that is normal. So DON'T worry okay? I know this is a lot of information and it can get intimidating especially after everything else I'm sure. We'll start you out with the ----- Program first. It seems more fitting given your circumstances....."  
   
I was listening but I couldn't remember all of it. She seemed nice. For some reason I wasn't grumpy. I finally felt like I was actually  where I was supposed to be. To say I've been mishandled is...a understatement. Therapy started Wednesday.  
   
July  
August  
September  
   
October. Thursday. Last Week.  
"Wow! Your chart is amazing! Do you remember what they were at when you got here?!"  
For some reason I was smirking. She grew on me. Feeling like I accomplished something was a rarity.  
'ha, yeah, I mean, I guess...I didn't really do anything...'  
"Nope! You don't get to say that! I'm really proud of you! I can't believe this is your last day with me."  
'yeah...I guess I don't really know what to say....'  
"Oh that's okay. You should write about it though! I'm sure a lot of people would be interested in that!"  
'oh um, I...I'll think about it....'  
"Don't worry! It's okay if you don't! My lips are sealed!"  
'Legally I suppose they are.' I smiled.  
"HAHA. I'm going to miss you!"  
She grabbed her pen and opened up her notebook.  
"Okay! Well do you want to finish up with your Maintenance plan first? Save the sappy goodbye stuff later? Anything you REALLY just want to get out?"  
'Yeah actually...I was thinking about....'  
   
I was standing looking out the office window down at the street.  
For October it was really nice out.  
There was a nice breeze coming through it.  
The haziness was gone, or, seemed easier to cut through.  
I thought maybe I finally got my 'reset' button pushed.  
   
I thought about her question of writing about the 3-4 months.  
I didn't write about it at all.  
It didn't seem right to...  
Not yet anyways...  
   
I started playing with the shutters as I was talking.
I kept thinking,
'Hmph...  
I feel like I should have gotten her a thank-you card or something...  
damn it....'