deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mockolate
the apocalypse of pride shines starlight
inside archaic worship, we are systematically stripped of instinct
it's the difference between a tent and a temple
come one and all equality across the board is desired
lead by a warrior of honor
the gothic nature of space is home
don't worship my vision it doesn't belong to me
brainwashed and naked, shivering in the outer houses
I stalk the programer
the great wizard of Oz
come Neo break the construct
Trinity is approaching she is the promise of the future
stars shine on Hollywood blvd
casting little warmth
false smiles with no truth
there is more wisdom in a punch to the face
there is real love there one warrior to another
I'd rather be embraced by true hate
than mocked by mockolate
that shit tastes as empty as the church smiling at dawn
give me the dark chocolate
rich and creamy fulfilling desire
Published 12th Dec 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Dec 2019 2:41pm
Lovely crimsin,
I like the depth and passion felt when you read this poem. It spoke of the world in a perspective similar to my own.
This part stood out the most to me
false smiles with no truth
there is more wisdom in a punch to the face
there is real love there one warrior to another
I'd rather be embraced by true hate
than mocked
Can I keep it in my quote collection?
I like the depth and passion felt when you read this poem. It spoke of the world in a perspective similar to my own.
This part stood out the most to me
false smiles with no truth
there is more wisdom in a punch to the face
there is real love there one warrior to another
I'd rather be embraced by true hate
than mocked
Can I keep it in my quote collection?
12th Dec 2019 2:44pm
thank you beautiful Jaded of course you may... I deeply appreciate your thoughts...
love Brenda ❤
love Brenda ❤
12th Dec 2019 2:58pm
Anonymous
12th Dec 2019 4:51pm
A non-oppressive rebellion, absorbing and leaving a distinct impression! (Glad to see that you are feeling better!)
13th Dec 2019 2:50pm
This is a very powerful write, Brenda. It starts off very strong in the first stanza, describing perfectly what it's like to be trapped inside of something. Dogma serves as a lead shell which hardly allows anything to penetrate. It also exemplifies the example of Christ in that you should come as you are. There is a greater distance growing between the church and people searching for love, and I believe many are waking to that realization.
The rest is solid in truth, in that truth can be dark, cold, however, it does set you free. Perhaps naked at first, but who wants to drag anything they had when the goal is to start anew.
I know you like honest critique, and a few places need commas, in my opinion, so that the reader can fully enjoy the offering:
don't worship my vision, it doesn't belong to me
Trinity is approaching, she is the promise of the future
there is real love there, one warrior to another
Really enjoyed this - you flayed society as a whole down to the bone.
The rest is solid in truth, in that truth can be dark, cold, however, it does set you free. Perhaps naked at first, but who wants to drag anything they had when the goal is to start anew.
I know you like honest critique, and a few places need commas, in my opinion, so that the reader can fully enjoy the offering:
don't worship my vision, it doesn't belong to me
Trinity is approaching, she is the promise of the future
there is real love there, one warrior to another
Really enjoyed this - you flayed society as a whole down to the bone.
