envy

i need to become someone else
just to be myself,
shed my identity and fake it till
I can make it – success is a matter of self-delusion.

to maybe or Must
alleviate the fear that everyone hates what i do,
delude delude
allude allude -
there's too much fear imposed upon creativity -

to be an artist is as courageous
as a death wish,
a promise of poverty,
a fulfillment of rejection -

your whole life is on the line,
your whole sense of self-worth is cocooned in the words
or the paint
or the flash of a camera,
and failure is an inevitability and that feels like death.

every fruit of creativity that you enjoy
came forth from a severely damaged mind.
insanity entertains you and
teaches you and fulfills you.

Admit the envy of
what you hate.