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YOPJ - Visiting Etiquette for My Home

Over the years I've had guests come in and do interesting things. I think a more average home leads to average hosting and etiquette. For those on the margins of normal, that's not gonna cut it!  

First of all, we don't like visitors anymore, so chances are you won't actually get the chance to use these new rules, but you can bet they were formed by the school of hard knocks.  
 
1. Don't give my kids anything; toys, books or food, without checking with us. Don't even offer without permission. I don't care if the kid is two months or twelve, anymore. When they are 16 and up the rules relax.  
 
2.  Hostess catering is not to be expected-although it is my ideal, the best thing for any unusually burdened households is for guests to think like philanthropists or family. Meaning, when you enter, make yourself useful as much as possible. In your mind, ask not what the lady of the house can do for you, but what you can do for her.  
 
3. If you are possibly carrying a contagion, don't visit; cancel. I don't care how much we missed each other, I no longer miss you, not that badly! Get well soon, so I can go back to teatime with you!  
 
4.  If you have clearance to show up whenever, still prenotify and make sure your hosts are still ready to receive you, when you set out to show up. Never show up without warning!  
 
5. Don't bring any whiny stories about not enough time to hangout. That will only lead to less hangouts. You wanna play that card, apologize all you want about not hosting us more. Leave it alone, though, at my house. I have to live here after you leave, in a fishbowl, with plenty of unavoidable critics.  
 
6.  Never boss us around. I don't take criticism of my parenting skills from anyone in my home. I don't even want you to boss my kids. Just leave if they annoy you.... and do it without any complaints.  
 
7.  Don't argue in front of the children or make any scene. Don't ever subvert my parenting behind my back or you'll be lucky to ever hang with us again, even if you are my one and only sister.  
 
I don't care if you make loud drinking noises or get spaghetti on your shirt. I don't care if some French leaks out occasionally. I'm really easygoing.  
 
But I'm also unable to allow rain clouds under my roof anymore.
Written by EdibleWords
Published | Edited 22nd Dec 2019
Author's Note
Names and situations were omitted to protect the idiots.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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