deepundergroundpoetry.com
ARE THEY FOR THIS WORLD ?
ARE THEY FOR THIS WORLD ?
He went there filled with hope that they'd give him a look,
thinking that he might get recognition from them.
He begged for just a smile to give him his lost post,
but that aim was too far from his hand just to claim.
Tactics were what could gain, but he was of good heart.
He would scowl to show them he was not satisfied.
Success, you always hide in the hand of deceit.
and deceit never was by his heart gratified.
Men of skills, you have built the great spires of the world,
and you wrote your great names to shine there at steep height.
Those whose hearts live for love are made not for this world,
and the spires fall on them as they are of short sight.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
He went there filled with hope that they'd give him a look,
thinking that he might get recognition from them.
He begged for just a smile to give him his lost post,
but that aim was too far from his hand just to claim.
Tactics were what could gain, but he was of good heart.
He would scowl to show them he was not satisfied.
Success, you always hide in the hand of deceit.
and deceit never was by his heart gratified.
Men of skills, you have built the great spires of the world,
and you wrote your great names to shine there at steep height.
Those whose hearts live for love are made not for this world,
and the spires fall on them as they are of short sight.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 3rd Dec 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
This is all too insular to be meaningful. Who is the "he" you speak of. Who are the "they" you refer to? And what post of "his" was lost?
And is it really true that success always lies in the hand of deceit?
This seems to be another of your all tell, no show pieces in which you seem to think that you are incapable of writing poorly. Moreover, how does what you wrote answer, let alone deal with, the question you posed in your title?
And is it really true that success always lies in the hand of deceit?
This seems to be another of your all tell, no show pieces in which you seem to think that you are incapable of writing poorly. Moreover, how does what you wrote answer, let alone deal with, the question you posed in your title?
4th Dec 2019 10:18pm
Dear Baldwin,
I believe there is nothing to call tell and show. I believe when you have something good to tell there is no need for the show whoever says it. Poetry is free and there is nothing to limit the freedom of good poetry.
I believe there is nothing to call tell and show. I believe when you have something good to tell there is no need for the show whoever says it. Poetry is free and there is nothing to limit the freedom of good poetry.
5th Dec 2019 00:23am
5th Dec 2019 8:45am
Very dear Baldwin,
Good poetry is the true feelings expressed in good rhythm that makes the sublime ideas slide into the heart. Images and a rhetorical language can help, but the main concern is the great and sublime ideas and feelings expressed through good rhythm and fitting words.
Good poetry is the true feelings expressed in good rhythm that makes the sublime ideas slide into the heart. Images and a rhetorical language can help, but the main concern is the great and sublime ideas and feelings expressed through good rhythm and fitting words.
5th Dec 2019 1:25pm
5th Dec 2019 2:21pm
Very dear Baldwin,
I've done my best to make it fit. I don't know if l have succeeded. What's your opinion. Please give me your honest criticism, and always do with me as l know you. However, please tell me why.
I've done my best to make it fit. I don't know if l have succeeded. What's your opinion. Please give me your honest criticism, and always do with me as l know you. However, please tell me why.
5th Dec 2019 4:02pm
There are no great and sublime ideas here. What you assert is hardly true and it is expressed far too prosaically to be captivating.. The last stanza does not deal with the same subject as that dealt with -- though clumsily -- in the first two. So the piece is not conceptually cohesive.
You are trying too hard to be profound. And your attempts to make the structure of your piece fit with some form that you think a writing must fit in to to be poetry causes you to write poorly.
You are trying too hard to be profound. And your attempts to make the structure of your piece fit with some form that you think a writing must fit in to to be poetry causes you to write poorly.
5th Dec 2019 6:33pm
Dear Baldwin,
I am not accustomed to defending my poetry. On the contrary, l am always ready to like or even love criticism, but l am sorry to say l don't find anything serious or useful in the words you use here because you don't understand the poem. I am sure that if you understand it, you will criticize it in a more useful way.
I am not accustomed to defending my poetry. On the contrary, l am always ready to like or even love criticism, but l am sorry to say l don't find anything serious or useful in the words you use here because you don't understand the poem. I am sure that if you understand it, you will criticize it in a more useful way.
5th Dec 2019 7:02pm
So it is impossible for you to write poorly! Any failure to understand what you write is due to a lack of intelligence or poetic sensibility on my part and not because you failed to convey what you were trying to get across. Is that what you are saying?
6th Dec 2019 6:21am
Dear Baldwin,
If l am not convinced 100% of what l am doing, l never do it. However, thank you very much for your criticism. It urges me to improve my writings. Thank you very much.
If l am not convinced 100% of what l am doing, l never do it. However, thank you very much for your criticism. It urges me to improve my writings. Thank you very much.
6th Dec 2019 2:17pm
6th Dec 2019 7:46pm
Dear Baldwin,
I wish you could produce something similar. I would be your first reader. By the way,aren't you tired of repeating the same words? Once l asked you if you could write a few lines in trochaic hexameter. You haven't answered me yet. May l know the reason?
I wish you could produce something similar. I would be your first reader. By the way,aren't you tired of repeating the same words? Once l asked you if you could write a few lines in trochaic hexameter. You haven't answered me yet. May l know the reason?
6th Dec 2019 10:38pm
How does this answer what I asked of you?
And something similar to what? Your incohesive piece of poorly written prose in line breaks?
And something similar to what? Your incohesive piece of poorly written prose in line breaks?
6th Dec 2019 11:15pm
And what does my ability or inability to write some lines in trochaic hexameter have to do with whether you think that the only reason someone does not understand your attempts at poetry is that he/she is lacking in intelligence and/or poetic sensitivity?
6th Dec 2019 11:35pm
Dear Baldwin,
The reason is before you criticize, you should know the skills of
Poetry.
The reason is before you criticize, you should know the skills of
Poetry.
If anyone here doesn't know the skills of poetry, it's you. Just look at the way you trash language in order to fit your words into some arbitrary form.
Can you write in dactylic hexameter or in the form that Dante did? Can you write in the style of Petrach? Or of Sappho? If you cannot, does that mean you are lacking in poetic skill? And because Pauline Kale did not know how to make films, does that mean her criticism of them was worthless.
You are still dodging my question about what the reason is that someone might not understand what you are trying to convey when you write what you write.
Can you write in dactylic hexameter or in the form that Dante did? Can you write in the style of Petrach? Or of Sappho? If you cannot, does that mean you are lacking in poetic skill? And because Pauline Kale did not know how to make films, does that mean her criticism of them was worthless.
You are still dodging my question about what the reason is that someone might not understand what you are trying to convey when you write what you write.
Can I not produce a fulsome line that measures
up to six footfalls felicitous in rhythm
and in rhyme and uses sharp, concrete appeals to
striking imagery and does not make a reader
angered at my inability to write like
one who knows his stuff regarding what it is that
makes a reader see some wondrous things with closed eyes?
up to six footfalls felicitous in rhythm
and in rhyme and uses sharp, concrete appeals to
striking imagery and does not make a reader
angered at my inability to write like
one who knows his stuff regarding what it is that
makes a reader see some wondrous things with closed eyes?
8th Dec 2019 4:01pm
Curious that you've grown silent about my supposed inability to write lines in trochaic hexameter.
