deepundergroundpoetry.com
smile
Can you express what you saw
a shadow within a shadow
within the minds eye
of your smile
that you choose to exercise
to help the lonely
cry
a shadow within a shadow
within the minds eye
of your smile
that you choose to exercise
to help the lonely
cry
Published 28th Dec 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Dec 2011 8:13pm
the addition of 'within' reminds me of a metaphorical labyrinth.
layers and layers of profound meaning hidden within these excellent lines.
what troubles me a bit is the 'what' in the first line. I can't suggest a better substituted for it as it might alter what you wish to convey.
layers and layers of profound meaning hidden within these excellent lines.
what troubles me a bit is the 'what' in the first line. I can't suggest a better substituted for it as it might alter what you wish to convey.
30th Dec 2011 9:09am
