Chronicle of Chronic (easy version)**
To: Leah, Eric, Mary, and EW
** currently not available for WorldWide distribution
suckt-out of love and any potential to not feel so
unclose to any-one, any-body,
to any thing worth living for, (other than these
idiotic trophies, won in what now seems a
fake glory days, scraping and bowing for another "story"
written, another photo-op, for the local diddle-poop newspaper,
another radio show, ("deep jazz for an undeep, prairie populace"),
and the opportunity to show/blow my soul-breath thru those great, brass sax'horns.............Leah & Eric & Mary were there, EW was there. Dad, bro Phil, & Carter. so many friends saying how
fucking great i was for being the driving-force for the concerts, the festivals, the heart-attacks, the by-passes, the "miracle" recovery.
it's all just funny folly compared to the indignation of Now brought about by a foul heart heredity, & not a hint of a so'called Life-Partner since EW flew into insanity, (nearly 2 decades ago)......& i suppose, trying to "do it differently" with a mindful compassion & kindness, woefully absent in other such "ventures".
even Leah departed this earth so young as to "really" show what insane relentless grief, sorrow, psychic collapse, & Pain of Soul is "really" all about.
life is rather raw, rather foul, with a stream of "practitioners" telling me How Much there is to live for in this chronically fatigued, cardiac Grand Gignol, And i step along, dragging my overfed corpse from office to office, hospital to hospital, just out of curiosity as to "how much" worldly
Survival, (so well commoditized), may be worth