deepundergroundpoetry.com
In a Heartbeat
How many heartbeats are in 2 years?
That's how many heartbeats I am
away from you,
That's how many heartbeats
I've missed you by my side,
How many since we embraced
in a long tearful goodbye,
That's how many I've wanted
to run back for you,
If only fate would let our paths cross
one more time,
It would only take one heartbeat to fall
back to you again.
That's how many heartbeats I am
away from you,
That's how many heartbeats
I've missed you by my side,
How many since we embraced
in a long tearful goodbye,
That's how many I've wanted
to run back for you,
If only fate would let our paths cross
one more time,
It would only take one heartbeat to fall
back to you again.
Published 17th Nov 2019
| Edited 21st Mar 2024
Author's Note
Longing has its own, almost tangible, existence in my life.
I wish I knew if he still thinks of me.
For his sake, I hope he doesn't...but for mine, I hope he does.
https://youtu.be/hMRihM7zmzE
I wish I knew if he still thinks of me.
For his sake, I hope he doesn't...but for mine, I hope he does.
https://youtu.be/hMRihM7zmzE
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 241
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
17th Nov 2019 4:41am
This is really sweet and I resonate with your loss Scribbles. We often deify some and demonize others, based on our ego identity and needs, but we're all just people. You can find someone else to love in a different way and it will be beautiful and fulfilling in a different way. Aligning with the present moment brings peace. 💖🙏🏼 Love and light to you.
In kindness,
Daniel
In kindness,
Daniel
17th Nov 2019 8:04pm
You're very right, Daniel.
Thank you. ❤
Writing about my feelings, mistakes, love and loss have helped me recognize many things I didn't know about myself.
Or rather, what I did know, but didn't want to admit to myself.
This isn't the only heartbreak I've ever felt, but it has been the hardest to let go of.
Mostly because it was so right,
in so many ways, but at the wrong place, wrong time, and wrong circumstance.
I am letting him go, just a little slower that most, I suppose.
I just miss him so much, you know? 😞
By ego, do you mean the common use of the word or based on Freudian model?
If Freud, I have certainly had many tug-of-wars between my ego, superego, and id regarding how I feel about him.
I guess it's part of being an infp human?
Thank you for your reply, I very much appreciate your feedback. I really do.
Thank you. ❤
Writing about my feelings, mistakes, love and loss have helped me recognize many things I didn't know about myself.
Or rather, what I did know, but didn't want to admit to myself.
This isn't the only heartbreak I've ever felt, but it has been the hardest to let go of.
Mostly because it was so right,
in so many ways, but at the wrong place, wrong time, and wrong circumstance.
I am letting him go, just a little slower that most, I suppose.
I just miss him so much, you know? 😞
By ego, do you mean the common use of the word or based on Freudian model?
If Freud, I have certainly had many tug-of-wars between my ego, superego, and id regarding how I feel about him.
I guess it's part of being an infp human?
Thank you for your reply, I very much appreciate your feedback. I really do.
19th Nov 2019 8:42pm
I use the term ego here in relation to the Buddhist concept of the rigid identity we form and believe is ourselves, when who we are is only the observer of events and experiences. We form attachment to the past based upon it and become defensive when others challenge that concept of self, which is artificial. I can really empathize with what you are saying. There is a particular feeling when you meet someone really right for you, a kind of high energetic harmony that buzzes through you. I am INFP as well. We are most often the writers, according to what I read on the Meyers Briggs website.
It's great to talk with you. I hope we can both emerge clean and wiser from our loss. <3
It's great to talk with you. I hope we can both emerge clean and wiser from our loss. <3
20th Nov 2019 5:42am
Oh, I see. Makes perfect sense. Thanks for your understanding and kind words.
And, yes, may we both emerge clean and wiser! 😀
Buddhism has a lot of great concepts and truths that one would be wise to learn from, for sure.
Defensive when others challenge the concept of self, that is huge, and true.
I wonder why humans do this, and if we are the only animals that do?
Honestly, your reply instantly made me think of a paper I was reading an article the other day, about how reality itself is subjective to the observer (kinda, sorta, based on the same logic of the Schrödinger's cat thought experiment, but proven with quantum mechanics)
https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/5/9/eaaw9832
Your reply also made me think of a concept from a book I read not too long ago that basically says that it is pointless to ask someone who they are, because we (as humans) are incapable of telling who we are when it comes to self. We unintentionally give the projected self, every time (who we want others to see).
I think that book was, "Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are"
Sorry for the long-winded reply, I got a little excited there I think. 😓
Anyways, thanks!
And, yes, may we both emerge clean and wiser! 😀
Buddhism has a lot of great concepts and truths that one would be wise to learn from, for sure.
Defensive when others challenge the concept of self, that is huge, and true.
I wonder why humans do this, and if we are the only animals that do?
Honestly, your reply instantly made me think of a paper I was reading an article the other day, about how reality itself is subjective to the observer (kinda, sorta, based on the same logic of the Schrödinger's cat thought experiment, but proven with quantum mechanics)
https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/5/9/eaaw9832
Your reply also made me think of a concept from a book I read not too long ago that basically says that it is pointless to ask someone who they are, because we (as humans) are incapable of telling who we are when it comes to self. We unintentionally give the projected self, every time (who we want others to see).
I think that book was, "Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are"
Sorry for the long-winded reply, I got a little excited there I think. 😓
Anyways, thanks!
21st Nov 2019 5:28pm
No problem at all, it's great to talk with you. In Buddhism I have been taught to be comfortable in groundlessness, the fact that everything is constantly changing and we never know what is happening next. I think that we anchor into a solid idea of self because the untrained, unaware mind, is not comfortable in groundlessness, it wants to feel anchored.
I take a morning constitutional everyday. It has greatly improved my health and I have developed an athlete's blood pressure and heart rhythm. Today on my walk I was reciting a favorite little poem. It goes like this,
In the house of upside down,
Cellar's top floor,
Attic's ground.
In the house of upside down,
Laughings cry,
And smiles frown.
In the house of upside down,
Found is lost,
And lost,
Is found.
To me, it captures the melancholy of the absurdity of this paradigm. Literally, on this terrestrial sphere, every person is upside down in relation to someplace on the other side of the earth. In more metaphoric terms, there is so little compassion in the systems of society. It is so obtuse and we have to make enormous leaps of spiritual evolution if we are going to continue our journey toward the stars.
I will check out the link you sent now. I am headed to the library after work. I walk over the nearby bridge and feed the birds at the park. I will look for the book when I am there.
Love and light to you,
Daniel
I take a morning constitutional everyday. It has greatly improved my health and I have developed an athlete's blood pressure and heart rhythm. Today on my walk I was reciting a favorite little poem. It goes like this,
In the house of upside down,
Cellar's top floor,
Attic's ground.
In the house of upside down,
Laughings cry,
And smiles frown.
In the house of upside down,
Found is lost,
And lost,
Is found.
To me, it captures the melancholy of the absurdity of this paradigm. Literally, on this terrestrial sphere, every person is upside down in relation to someplace on the other side of the earth. In more metaphoric terms, there is so little compassion in the systems of society. It is so obtuse and we have to make enormous leaps of spiritual evolution if we are going to continue our journey toward the stars.
I will check out the link you sent now. I am headed to the library after work. I walk over the nearby bridge and feed the birds at the park. I will look for the book when I am there.
Love and light to you,
Daniel
22nd Nov 2019 6:40pm
Wow, your entire reply is beautiful.
I love the poem and the deep philosophy of the perspective you've given.
Wow, seriously, wow. I will be pondering on that philosophy for a while! Thank you.
I decided to re-read the book that I mentioned because of our comment conversations, I wanted to find the part that I was talking about again and make sure I wasn't thinking of another similar book.
Either way, I love how it fulfills my philosophical way of understanding the world, while using science as the groundwork basis for the work that is presented.
For me, it perfectly encapsulates science, compassion, and understanding of our place in the world, as human animals.
It makes you rethink the "high horse" perspective we've been taught and I love that!
There is a audio link on YouTube if you were interested in hearing snip-bits (it doesn't matter where you start, it is just as good regardless of where you start):
https://youtu.be/_SOjOFaG7ko
Love and light back to you,
Scribbles
I love the poem and the deep philosophy of the perspective you've given.
Wow, seriously, wow. I will be pondering on that philosophy for a while! Thank you.
I decided to re-read the book that I mentioned because of our comment conversations, I wanted to find the part that I was talking about again and make sure I wasn't thinking of another similar book.
Either way, I love how it fulfills my philosophical way of understanding the world, while using science as the groundwork basis for the work that is presented.
For me, it perfectly encapsulates science, compassion, and understanding of our place in the world, as human animals.
It makes you rethink the "high horse" perspective we've been taught and I love that!
There is a audio link on YouTube if you were interested in hearing snip-bits (it doesn't matter where you start, it is just as good regardless of where you start):
https://youtu.be/_SOjOFaG7ko
Love and light back to you,
Scribbles
21st Nov 2019 1:39am
Forget him. Find someone who will have you on his mind 24/7. You will know when that time comes & not only by the size of his banana. There will be a meeting of the minds too. Don't settle for anything less ever again!
❤ Awe, Snaggy, thank you!
I take your advice to heart ❤
It certainly is time to start forgetting.
And also time to start forgiving, for which, I probably need to learn to forgive myself more than I have reason to forgive him, especially since I have mostly blamed myself. We both deserve the peace and to never settle for anything less.
❤❤❤❤
I take your advice to heart ❤
It certainly is time to start forgetting.
And also time to start forgiving, for which, I probably need to learn to forgive myself more than I have reason to forgive him, especially since I have mostly blamed myself. We both deserve the peace and to never settle for anything less.
❤❤❤❤
