Take a step back

Your brown-not-black eyes piss me off
and i hate
that i have to struggle
that i have to try to explain
what it looks like
for an array of words
to look like just that
that they never fail to make me
feel pretentious
and the truth is
all of those 90's bitches
faked it so hard
that all i could do was to take away
how good it felt
to say no
that i didn't care
no i don't need you
no i am immortal
my eyes are open and i bleed
only for the sake of
what i want to read
but amid those dreams
there's always been a color
that never could be defined
now that we're all alone
now that i watch you sit
in all of that silence
that keeps you stiff
and everlasting
like a self medicating
punishment
i want you to fall asleep
knowing that I'm waiting
and dancing shamelessly
in all of that emptiness
judge me
your thoughts feed my contrast and
it helps us remember
that i love you
despite the tears
the difference
is i don't care what they say
god damnit beautiful
don't be ashamed of what you breathe
I dance
and it kills me
piano
violin
she'll
cello
my
loneliest lost
who am i
do i feel there is no looking back
or are you
are you apart of me
i hope it's clear
I fell apart
so many moons ago
I want to say
that I've grown
and the mystery of what i wanna
be
never meant to hurt you
shattered fantasy
every time i tried
i thought magically
there was something better
looking back
time has passed
and this life is hard
and I'm so daylight
in a moonlit memory
crack on the pavement
please don't fault
my heart
it fell apart
and i walked away
please don't fault
the one I've left behind
I
I feel so light
she really isn't me
but she's trying
i refuse to live such a beautiful lie
I died
I died so many times
but i could never leave behind
the truth
that my heart
beats so alive
and it was never a lie