deepundergroundpoetry.com
ARRANGED OR COINCIDENTAL?
ARRANGED OR COINCIDENTAL?
How strange is life when you see how people get wed.
He is a boy when his wife's mum gives birth to her.
Perhaps by chance, he feels so pleased, not knowing why
as his own future wife has come to this wide world.
They are sometimes from different sites and varied states,
and fed with thoughts that make them yield divergent fruit.
One is fed with a golden spoon and one is poor,
and one has gone to famous schools, while one is dumb.
They move and travel round the world seeking for gain,
and they get near and then depart, but stay apart.
They drive, they fly and then they sail to meet at last
and have the blessings of their Lord to get one heart.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
All rights reserved
____________________________________
How strange is life when you see how people get wed.
He is a boy when his wife's mum gives birth to her.
Perhaps by chance, he feels so pleased, not knowing why
as his own future wife has come to this wide world.
They are sometimes from different sites and varied states,
and fed with thoughts that make them yield divergent fruit.
One is fed with a golden spoon and one is poor,
and one has gone to famous schools, while one is dumb.
They move and travel round the world seeking for gain,
and they get near and then depart, but stay apart.
They drive, they fly and then they sail to meet at last
and have the blessings of their Lord to get one heart.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
All rights reserved
____________________________________
Published 11th Oct 2019
| Edited 12th Oct 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
12th Oct 2019 3:36pm
"One can be fed with golden spoon and one with hand, "
Another sacrifice of proper English on the altar of measurement.
Another sacrifice of proper English on the altar of measurement.
When you say another sacrifice of proper English, mention what the sacrifice is. I would like to see your poetry and its measurement.
What my poetry is like has nothing to do with whether or not **you** sacrifice proper English on the altar of measurement.
You've left out the articles that should appear before "spoon" and "hand" .
And I'm hardly the only person who has told you that you do this in the interest in measurement. See
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=35298&p=220435&hilit=+grammar#p220333
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=33917&p=213037&hilit=+grammar#p213039
And you have admitted that you do so!
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=35298&p=220435&hilit=+grammar#p220435
You've left out the articles that should appear before "spoon" and "hand" .
And I'm hardly the only person who has told you that you do this in the interest in measurement. See
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=35298&p=220435&hilit=+grammar#p220333
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=33917&p=213037&hilit=+grammar#p213039
And you have admitted that you do so!
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=35298&p=220435&hilit=+grammar#p220435
12th Oct 2019 8:14pm
Are you implying that you were unaware until now of these admonitions to you?
And given your promise that you would take account of what you were told in the links I posted here, and what you said here
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=35298&p=220435&hilit=+grammar#p220446
the question is why you have not changed your ways and persist in producing verse that sacrifices grammar for the sake of measurement and is all tell and no show.
And given your promise that you would take account of what you were told in the links I posted here, and what you said here
http://www.algonquinstable.net/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=35298&p=220435&hilit=+grammar#p220446
the question is why you have not changed your ways and persist in producing verse that sacrifices grammar for the sake of measurement and is all tell and no show.
14th Oct 2019 00:54am
I cast my sight unto the sky above
in hope that bleeding Jesus will my soul
enfold so tight within his boundless love,
for sinner I as man must surely be
with curs-ed earth my dusty origin
my character’s consistency so laced
despite my dear mum’s swell regard of me.
And look! I’m to be wed unto young girl
- one pearl now aged around than half of mine
but it’s sublime because this lettered girl
my hand accepts as unknown virgin gift
and able so to cover over rift
that most men often are so wearied by
without cheer help of god and good his grace.
in hope that bleeding Jesus will my soul
enfold so tight within his boundless love,
for sinner I as man must surely be
with curs-ed earth my dusty origin
my character’s consistency so laced
despite my dear mum’s swell regard of me.
And look! I’m to be wed unto young girl
- one pearl now aged around than half of mine
but it’s sublime because this lettered girl
my hand accepts as unknown virgin gift
and able so to cover over rift
that most men often are so wearied by
without cheer help of god and good his grace.
19th Oct 2019 3:26pm
Hi Baldwin,
Can we say "l'm to be wed unto young girl"? Where is the missing article? Moreover, the poem is full of contortions. You read the poem and you find them.
Can we say "l'm to be wed unto young girl"? Where is the missing article? Moreover, the poem is full of contortions. You read the poem and you find them.
19th Oct 2019 5:37pm
No, we can't if we are writing proper English. But I was imitating your style and using your criteria that grammar can be sacrificed to maintain a meter in how I set out my line. And if you find my line is solecistic and linguistically improper, then you must admit that of yours that don't have an article where it should be are as well. You can't have it both ways.
No, we can't if "we" are writing proper English. But I was imitating your style and using your criteria that grammar can be sacrificed to maintain a meter in how I set out my line (and in the other places, too, where you see "contortions"). And if you find my line is solecistic and linguistically, as well as "poetically", improper, then you must admit that all of yours that don't have an article where it should be are improper as well. You can't have it both ways.
19th Oct 2019 10:15pm
1- Full stop . And if you find........ : Is that a good style of writing?
2-then you must admit that of yours that don't have an article .........etc.
Read it. This is your writing and correct yourself before trying to correct the others. How can l listen to a person who does all that and pretends to be a professor?
2-then you must admit that of yours that don't have an article .........etc.
Read it. This is your writing and correct yourself before trying to correct the others. How can l listen to a person who does all that and pretends to be a professor?
When did I pretend to be a professor?
If anyone was trying to correct anyone, it was **you** correcting **me**. Or did you not note that I had made a grammatical mistake in one of my lines and that there were other (unspecified by you) problems in my piece that I needed to take care of if my piece was to be viewed as well written ?
What I was doing was **emulating** precisely the way you write, using what you yourself said is not only a legitimate way to write, but how poetry should be written.
And how is what I wrote different in form, in valuing measurement over good grammar, in inversions in order to get rhymes from the way you set out your lines?
And BTW, your " then you must admit that of yours that don't have an article .........etc." is a misquote of what I said to you.
If anyone was trying to correct anyone, it was **you** correcting **me**. Or did you not note that I had made a grammatical mistake in one of my lines and that there were other (unspecified by you) problems in my piece that I needed to take care of if my piece was to be viewed as well written ?
What I was doing was **emulating** precisely the way you write, using what you yourself said is not only a legitimate way to write, but how poetry should be written.
And how is what I wrote different in form, in valuing measurement over good grammar, in inversions in order to get rhymes from the way you set out your lines?
And BTW, your " then you must admit that of yours that don't have an article .........etc." is a misquote of what I said to you.
19th Oct 2019 10:47pm
You quote me as saying ;
"then you must admit that of yours that don't have an article ..."
But I said
"then you must admit that ALL of yours that don't have an article ..."
And the point remains. If you think I did wrong and wrote poorly in leaving out an article in order to maintain a particular meter, then how can you say that you are NOT doing wrong and writing poorly when you do the same thing?
"then you must admit that of yours that don't have an article ..."
But I said
"then you must admit that ALL of yours that don't have an article ..."
And the point remains. If you think I did wrong and wrote poorly in leaving out an article in order to maintain a particular meter, then how can you say that you are NOT doing wrong and writing poorly when you do the same thing?
