deepundergroundpoetry.com
the pleasures of nature are fleeting ..
wishing to get out of the city we
took the bus deep into the countryside
without checking what time the bus returned
without us passing the night in a field ..
Published 5th Oct 2019
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5th Oct 2019 00:29am
5th Oct 2019 1:22am
hiya :)
not sure how i feel about the ambiguity of the last line: if its meaning is that the bus returned without the 'we' in the poem because of not knowing what time it left and resulting in a night spent in the field? or is it going, not caring what time the bus left to return, because the people weren't spending the night in the field? is that to say they spent the night in an hotel or a b&b, or spent a night 'in the hay' in a barn? :so confused:
as it stands, it reads like the second option. if it's intended to be the first, you might want to alter some line breaks or introduce a comma after 'without us'?
just my reactions, others might not have an issue :D
not sure how i feel about the ambiguity of the last line: if its meaning is that the bus returned without the 'we' in the poem because of not knowing what time it left and resulting in a night spent in the field? or is it going, not caring what time the bus left to return, because the people weren't spending the night in the field? is that to say they spent the night in an hotel or a b&b, or spent a night 'in the hay' in a barn? :so confused:
as it stands, it reads like the second option. if it's intended to be the first, you might want to alter some line breaks or introduce a comma after 'without us'?
just my reactions, others might not have an issue :D
5th Oct 2019 3:23pm
Bravo, Paul. Excellent!
You had me for a second there, then I 'caught it' ( pun intended ).
You had me for a second there, then I 'caught it' ( pun intended ).
