!Anguish! & Dreaming of Youth While Facing Degradation Unto Death

 Photo of MAYA (and MOM's?) artwork, 2019, Oakland, usOFa  
 
Once again, I set about    
to repeat myself  
to repeat myself  
to repeat myself  
like all old golden yearlings do  
when them golden years take hold  
with pernicious insidiousness  
and hell's worth of lethal degradation.  
(Respect for"wisdom"? My skinny old ass!)  
   
Ah, but dreamland! Sweet Morpheus!  
I can visit with the nubile ladies of  l o n g  ago.  
   
         Diane H,  
                                                        Kathryn L.  
                         Ann W.  
                                             Gail C.               Debbie B  
                Kathie N.                           Lynn R.  
         Wendy S.               Maria T.         Kathy S,   Dawn W.  
                                    (etc.)  
   
(And some'o'them anonymous failed attempts at love).  
   
But I dread the night when dear deceased Leah comes by.  
I won't know what to say or do, but weep, afraid she'll tell  
me      how i failed her  
            how i failed her  
            how I failed her  
                                     ( to chose death at 31.)  
   
how i failed her.    How I failed       (& i repeat, I repeat, I repeat,  
                                                                 as we soon-to-be senile seniors  
                                                                               are apt to do )  
   
I keep telling Self that this torment is but illusion of the stupid side of my  
                                              human-mind,  
                                    and does no good for anyone.  
   
& i repeat, repeat repeat  
No good, No good, No good.  
                                                Neither Here nor in Eternity.  
   
(Let it fuckin go, oldtimer).........  
   
                                               *    *    *  
   
                                                               
Special note from the Author:  
Remember children, it'll seem like nothing til your you find yourself as still a "young person" in an in down-breaking body, saying (to yourself), "What the    
                                                     fuck happened?    
   
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  
2019dankozakpoomsPxtrsBadArt2019