Deeper and deeper

Don't wanna be a drag or
bring anyone down
to the level of darkness I dwell in and
I decide to let
dictate how I feel,
not too much
seems real anymore
as if anything has before
but now I can't ignore a certain uncertainness..
detachment
I dig myself deeper and deeper
don't seem to care
if I disappear..
At times I'd rather instead of
 drowning in fears
 feeling
so
low
No place to hide from what happens on the inside, can't even cry
forcing myself to smile
even though there's no genuine happiness behind it.

I can't even seem to write about anything other than my own
dark ass moments and thoughts.
I'll admit it weighs heavy
I notice I move slower every day
and the sorrows don't go away
the mind chatter stays
always analyzing everything
each and every moment
I cannot stop myself
Though I guess I haven't tried as hard as I think I have.