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Recalibrating

bad case of the spins
colours melt together
numbness drapes across my face
half my body rigid like a robot
half limp like a rag doll
cling to my chair
no no no no no
waves from my head
suck energy down
into a ball of acid
erupting in my belly
no no no no no
my head is static electricity
my legs are jello
a strong spin, like a fair ride
no no no no no
ďstop being so dramatic
you are fine. stand up
exercise, get blood to your brainĒ
wobbly like a newborn fawn
my head explodes into pain
my face feels like it is melting
my lungs forget what air is for
no no no no no
I crumple like discarded origami
splayed, jagged edges, fragile
my eyes roll involuntarily
my spine sinks and shrieks
it is as though a hand squeezes my brain
I am a puppet with invisible strings
my arms and legs sway disjointed
In and out of the world
my spirit straddles the portal
no no no no no
why canít I stay?
heís staring out the window
pretending Iím not thrashing
pretending he has their life
pretending I donít exist
Iím still here!
gripping that portal gate
like being sucked from an airlock
trying to ground myself in the world
if he held me maybe i wouldnít feel
like my organs fly outside of my body
like Iím being torn in every direction
like thereís nothing anchoring me
I lay in shreds and tears
the epileptic earthquake over
he sighs sadly and leaves wordless
Aphasiana
Written by Aphasiana
Published
Author's Note
Chronic illness
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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