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There once was...8

  
There once was a girl named Patty
Whose appearance was haggard n’ ratty
She would use glad wrap  
To hold in the flab  
On her gut, 'cos she was a big fatty  
   
One night out at the club  
She was dancing with some scrub  
But when he touched her waist  
It burst in his face  
And he drowned in the sea of blub  
   
   
   
There once was a dude named Brock  
Who had a thin yet lengthy cock  
He could crack it like a whip  
Or use it to skip    
Or even to pick a deadlock    
   
But ‘cos it was thin as a pin  
No ladies would sleep with him    
So he injected it with lard  
Which made it thick n' hard  
That’s when the frenzy did begin  
   
Women flocked from all over the state  
So that they could get a hot date  
With the guy with a dick  
The size of Moby Dick  
With the sole intent to copulate  
   
Brock made each and every one  
Wail out loud (excuse the pun)  
He laid so many girls  
That now half the new world  
Is his distant grand daughter or son  
   
   
   
There once was a con-man named Benny  
Who was as crooked as a wooden penny  
He said that he had    
A sweet penthouse pad  
And was once nominated for an Emmy™    
   
In town he was a big hit  
‘Til it was revealed he was full of shit  
He didn’t have a private jet  
He was struggling with debt  
And he wasn’t best mates with Brad Pitt  
   
All the people felt really dumb  
To’ve been hoodwinked by this bum  
They bought all his lines  
And never saw the signs  
Like the stains on his clothes made by cum  
   
   
   
There once was a sports fan named Dwayne  
Who thought ‘twas his job to explain  
All of the game's rules  
To his mates, like fools  
The arse region, is where he was a pain    
   
So one night before a big bout  
His mates told him they were going out    
To a sports bar called Gene’s  
To watch it on the big screens  
And drink cold pints of draught stout  
   
So he waited in the wet out the front  
‘Til he got their text message affront  
It said “Fuck you Dwayne!  
Hope you like the rain!  
Don’t call us again you dumb cunt!"  
   
   
   
 
RexDurkin
Written by RexDurkin
Published
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