deepundergroundpoetry.com
Skater
who are you tonight
risking the brittle edges
of an ice shelve of this evening
whitening your eyebrows
with the vapor of your mouth
I see you skating through frozen ditches
under a moon swollen
as a blackened eye
gliding on the long strokes
of an icy record of a river
your tender neck
wrapped in scarfs
of crossword puzzles
your sleek fingers clenched
in the bottoms
of stretched flannel pockets
can you feel me
on the ice beside you
my eyes flashing tinges
of the northern cross
breathing in unison
with the stride of your calves
as simply as a shadow
take my hands
come in from the cold
risking the brittle edges
of an ice shelve of this evening
whitening your eyebrows
with the vapor of your mouth
I see you skating through frozen ditches
under a moon swollen
as a blackened eye
gliding on the long strokes
of an icy record of a river
your tender neck
wrapped in scarfs
of crossword puzzles
your sleek fingers clenched
in the bottoms
of stretched flannel pockets
can you feel me
on the ice beside you
my eyes flashing tinges
of the northern cross
breathing in unison
with the stride of your calves
as simply as a shadow
take my hands
come in from the cold
Published 23rd Sep 2019
| Edited 9th Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 865
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Sep 2019 1:59am
thankyou thankyou - this kind of writing rewards me. i hope it rewards you to write it.
your control of the written word, the originality of your phrasing, the pacing all lend themselves to making this a very very fine piece of writing. could well have quoted all of it, but these lines are the ones that struck me the most:
the extension
of your shouldered rifle
rivaling the low branched birch
but my wonder has flattened
to faint memories
like fans of cedar bough
last night I watched the sunlight
fill every uncomplicated glade
stretching through
unconscious visions
of my angled sleep
and each dewy blade
of stiff green
was propped in diamonds
it began to sing
in long heaves
and rustlings
urging me to leave
hissing insistently
that its next breath
would be full of snow
your control of the written word, the originality of your phrasing, the pacing all lend themselves to making this a very very fine piece of writing. could well have quoted all of it, but these lines are the ones that struck me the most:
the extension
of your shouldered rifle
rivaling the low branched birch
but my wonder has flattened
to faint memories
like fans of cedar bough
last night I watched the sunlight
fill every uncomplicated glade
stretching through
unconscious visions
of my angled sleep
and each dewy blade
of stiff green
was propped in diamonds
it began to sing
in long heaves
and rustlings
urging me to leave
hissing insistently
that its next breath
would be full of snow
23rd Sep 2019 2:44am
Wow, thank you so much for your time with this and your kind comment-
I'm glad it was readable because I wrote it very quickly, it surprised me too, but there it was.
Thank you again very much indeed.
I'm glad it was readable because I wrote it very quickly, it surprised me too, but there it was.
Thank you again very much indeed.
Anonymous
24th Sep 2019 5:14am
The pacing is perfect and your sounds are beautiful
Gratitude your way for reading and your comment. About an X that I left behind a few years ago, but just managing to leave him behind my thoughts recently, thanks!!
