Death

Prologue: I wrote this a few years ago. I found it helpful to put it down and get it out. My mom loved it, and wanted me to share it with as many people as possible. Hopefully it’ll help those who read it who have gone through or still going through something similar.  
 
 
Death looms over us all. Death is always there. We just refuse to believe that those we love and care deeply about will fall victim to what life always offers at the end. We have an immortality complex that we project on to our parents, our spouses and everyone close to our hearts. We forget Death is always keeping an eye on us, at least until he knocks on the door. Only then do we realize the dark clouds following us, casting shadows into our souls - warning us that time is almost up. We fight it. We fight Death with every fiber of ourselves in hopes of saving who we're scared to lose. But the fight normally proves useless. Death always wins.  
 
In 2013 my mom was told by a doctor that she had six months left with us on this earth. I was in disbelief. That's my mom - she's a superhero, she's lived through so much pain, and tough situations within her life, and now her lungs are what's killing her? That's impossible, yet, she only had six months to live. I was slapped hard in the face with the reality of it. I struggled to believe that she was even capable of dying. She told me it was ok, she wasn't scared and completely accepted how her future ends - I was angry. I hated that she just accepted her fate. I thought she was selfish, for not wanting to fight and prolong her life, for as long as she could. But after each conversation, I slowly began to realize that I was the one being selfish. I didn't want her to fight for her life for her benefit, but for mine - because I didn't want to lose my mom. I couldn't accept that my projection of immortality was all in my head - that my mom will not live forever, despite how desperately I wanted her to. I changed my way of viewing it - she was ready and prepared to accept her fate, and so I had to as well. It was hard at first to 'support' her acceptance, but once I did, life became precious. I could enjoy time spent with my mom - instead of dwelling on the future, I focused on the now.  
 
But Death still looms overhead - even though I've been given nearly three extra years with my mom. Death might not of won as soon as we thought, but it's still roaming close to home, staying within arms reach - always reminding us that Death is always waiting.  
 
Death finally won. Death came swiftly and stole my mother into the night. Her final breath was November 12th, 2017.