the spectre of consequence: save me from suburbia

You're difficult to critique, anna, though I know you like it up the ass.  You're difficult to critique because you write from raw emotion which connects deeply with others.  I'll make a deal with you, tell me how to critique emotion?  Not typos nor grammatical errors which you don't ever seem to have except maybe in minimal.  But, emotion. You know, that stuff that a great majority of poems are missing. So, when we find one that actually contains the brunt of it, we kinda don't want to rip it apart on the dissection table.

Or, at least I don't.  Okay, what bothers me? "&" and "cuz" or "cos", etc. because it's lazy.  Unless we're inventing an entirely new era of text poetics here. Which we could be in this new cyber world. I am sure that many dissed cummings and Eliot for their rogue modernistic styles back then.  So what the hell does my opinion matter.  Take Danny for example, his style is unique and fresh. He can get away with "&", yet I've never seen him use "cuz" or "cos" because he's too original for that shit.  Not saying you've used them either - I'm just saying what bothers me is laziness unless it's in context with the content of the poem.

So, you tell me how to critique the emotional impact of your poems and I'll shred them for you. Deal?

yes, & is lazy, shorthand for "i know i've used the word 'and' too many times, so heres a little squiggle to make it artsy".

for example: is there more or less emotional hit if i delete the second "let's?"

where should the line break?

what takes away instead of adds? do i need to take something away?

what is still missing

I don't know that anything is missing; however, I can trim it for you -

the spectre of consequence: save me from suburbia
let's you and me take turns being worst(-)
[let's] take turns lying
the first [one] being [that] we will never lie

i'm not trapped
[like] (as) a late summer's wasp under a glass still tacky with vile bourbon(;) <-- adds alliteration and consonance to the 's' sounds

a creature past its use, doomed to die horny and angry, driven
to seek the sweetest thing and suck it all out

neither of us go in for i love you
unless we don't mean it


your laughter is a whole meal
i want to take a spoonful
[&] (and) another

there is so much hope for me in there: can i like myself? ( correct use of like NOT as a simile )



you've left me starving and sore(;)
but let's not be a little bitch about it(-)
drive me into a wall [&](,)i'll just say ( / line break )
like always, fuck me

[then] fuck me up
[&] ( then ) fuck again

Brackets suggested removals, parenthesis suggested replacements and/or insertions.

i really appreciate the edits: not all of them are ~me~ but all of them are extremely astute

i've made a 2.0 which is thicker some places and thinner others.  trying to get that perfect figure.  

i have to be good at something

You're welcome.

The perfect figure is overrated.

wish i could say the same for you x

wish i could say the same for you x

Your vocabulary is far too extensive for me.
You is you and YOUR voice is fantastically absurd or absurdly fantastic