melt

Very sexy.
Very good write.

appreciate the read and feedback, kandice :)

i wish they had an 'adult themed' thingy instead of that 'extreme content' which looks quite alarming!

I concur

The few worded lines paint picture of an up against the wall scene.

hopefully without laying on the paint too thickly

thanks for the read/comment. appreciated.

Super erotic pictured painted in so few words
Masterful spill

thankyou, thankyou :rose:

Dear J,

Your ability to paint an image in such brevity is fantastic!  “ice cubes melt
in lazy amber
ice drips“ I can feel the condensation on my hands. Very classy sexy write! H 🌷

glad you enjoyed, thanks for the comment :)

Dear J,

Your ability to paint an image in such brevity is fantastic!  “ice cubes melt
in lazy amber
ice drips“ I can feel the condensation on my hands. Very classy sexy write! H 🌷

I'm going to suggest, with intent to remove the repetative elements,    
 
ice cubes melt  
in lazy amber -
drip  
on your tongue  
as i dissolve  
back against wall  
thighs trembling  
cheeks on fire"  
 
I feel "against" lends to a better visual of the narrator having nowhere further to retreat, thus little choice but to let nature or chemistry or physics take over.

hi there :)

thanks for the time and thoughts

the suggestion for those first 3 lines? to me, that creates an ambiguity, as if it were the ice-cubes in the whiskey dripping on their tongue instead of the 'emotionally frozen' person liquifying due to the situation :D reps can work sometimes, not so much at others.

'back against wall'? i'm giving that some consideration. thankyou!

I do see what you mean there.

Happy to help as always!

This is a journey I took with you.. zig zag in motion..

I appreciate the brevity of your poetic voice.

Very clever spill.

Yours,
Losty

hiya, Losty

glad you enjoyed this little piece. thanks!

Hi Butters

Must concur with the brevity saying so much.

I was wondering however, L3 "ice drips" ? Here's my thought, perhaps 'droplets' with an adjective placed before it
'(hot/wet/heated, etc.) droplets'
I was thinking when ice melts, its water that drips.

Anyhow, just a thought, that didn't really detract from the overall enjoyment of the read.
on your tongue

thankyou for taking the time to offer your suggestions, it's always appreciated

i'll certainly take them into consideration and see if they retain what i was going for, or they may improve it!

repetition of sound was intended to create several effects: cohesion between lines that move between the image of ice cubes in a whiskey glass and a woman 'melting' on the tongue of her lover; the brevity of thought processes involved in that moment by using (for the most part) monosyllabic words.

word reps were intended to echo the repetitive action of a tongue slowly licking

the difference in the short, small sounds and the longer ones (melts/drips etc v lazy amber) are there to underline the opposite natures of the lovers in this piece, how intoxicating lazy amber can make even the most frozen change states :)

I now understand your thoughts when writing this, and appreciate your taking time to explain them.

It's difficult, at times, for the reader to comprehend the reason behind wording a piece in a particular fashion without having to explain.
I've ran across this myself, as most have probably, when asking for honest critique.

this was gooooood: I think there should be a separation between erotica and the extreme content warning. This is a good example of erotica (Traditional) - subtle and alluring, the way it should be :-))))

Excellent ink :-))))))))))))

yeah, i agree - cheers :)

ice can slice
as it sends shivers
down ones spine
then all shivering is brief and fine

yes, yes it can

kindness for the acceptance poetess