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deepundergroundpoetry.com

Numb

My heart bleeds out cold;
Since that December night.
I hold resentment against you like a grudge.
Why donít you just fucking die already.

Iíll never forgive her for what she did.
Sheís the reason my heart aches.
The cause of my painful memories.
She murdered the loving soul that once was.

Chain smoking days.
Nights filled with terror.
These nightmares are deadly as they occur.
What lurks in the dark is surely more fatal.

She gave me false hope.
Thinking Iíd know what love felt like again.
I gave her my love with appreciation.
She cut up my heart like cheap powder.

Now I sit here, on my door steps feeling heartless.
My anatomy filled with anger and bitter regrets.
My hatred for you is purer than a brick of cocaine.
I take back everything I said to you.

The memory of you haunts me.
She saw a nice guy within and took advantage.
In my lair, she sat so beautifully on my futon.
She made the first move and began whoring herself.




Then she changed her mind!
She got up and left me riled up!
There I was, with voices in my head;
Demanding her to be raped after that stupid stunt.

I denied their request and refused to give in.
Evil intentions will never win.
Iím better than that;
Yet the voices kept making sick demands.

Time passes on, time turns to months.
Been almost a year since Iíve seen her.
Now weíre ďgoodĒ.
As it turns out, Iím not actually good.

I finally gave up on her stupid ass.
Iím fed up with being her fucking slave!
Sheís fucking other niggas!
Yet, she gets furious when I mention other females.

What the actual fuck was I thinking?
Chasing a fucking whore with two kids!
Iím tired of being your last choice.
You drained me with your fucking kids.

Iím tired of being let down and forgiving you.
You forced me to expose my hidden feelings;
I never wanted you to know.
This fucking bitch played me all along.




She had feelings for me at one point.
Yet, she exposed them when the time wasnít right.
I bought christmas presents for her & the kids.
I went out of my way for her.

Something she would never do.
She threw the presents in my face.
Her pathetic pride bigger than her ignorance.
I got a message for you.

You might be physically pretty;
But the truth has been exposed.
Youíre fucking ugly on the inside.
A hideous specimen.

Iím moving on to better things.
I still have potential and a future.
Youíre fucked with a dead end job.
You ainít got shit but your name, bitch!

For now on, Iím staying in my lane.
Iíll do everything possible to erase my memory of you.
You donít mean jack shit to this fool anymore.
Youíre still walking, but youíre dead to me.

I appreciate your lack of support.
You were there for a fool at times.
Iím sober now, my eyes began to open.
Youíre nothing but a toxic fucking cunt.




You really never gave a fuck about me.
You were never a hundred.
Iíd always hear you out in your time of need.
Visa versa, it was all on me.

I donít think I care if I die alone.
Itís better than kissing your ass for nothing.
Your getting older, Iím only getting wiser.
With your stupid pride, youíll die alone in no time.

I feel reborn as I write this.
Maybe youíll read this one day.
You will disappear once you do.
I donít give a flying fucking anymore bitch.

Thereís plenty of fish in the sea.
I was an idiot for chasing after a shark.
Thatís the thing about drugs and alcohol.
One canít think straight when intoxicated.
 
I used to call you ďMy favorite ChicaĒ.
I was afraid to lose you in general.
Our friendship and whatever else was there.
She said she doesnít know me, but labeled me a player.

She was the player all along.
I played your toxic game.
Now Iím fed up and opt out.
The reality is, I fucking won.




The price is a new perspective.
I must relieve this off my chest;
In order to gain growth.
Iím still living, while youíre doing life.

What one considers, ďTime to selfĒ
She took it as one disappearing.
Bitch, where the fuck did I even go?
I was there, at times on your apartment staircase.

This isnít even causal writing anymore.
It sounds more like a fucking rant.
Truth be told, I give up on love.
Iíll still be roaming free when you die.

How dare she tell me I was getting ďattachedĒ?
Iím a heartless prick for the most part.
Thatís why we connected in the first place!
Weíre two toxic motherfuckers roaming the earth.

She wouldnít shut the fuck up!
ďI donít even know youĒ
It hurt so much, after years of acquaintance.
I was a fool, crying for a bitch who couldnít care less.

Well, guess what sweetheart?
You got what you wanted.
You pushed me away.
Now, Iím pushing you away.




Insomniac nights, thinking of you.
Now I sleep in serenity, knowing I hate you.
Resting peacefully at night, knowing youíre part of the past.
My tears are dried up, now Iím grinning.

Her famous quote;
ďLying is a sinĒ
The stupid cunt never understood.
Iím a godless fuck, that doesnít believe in ďsinsĒ.

She snuck to my place late at night.
Looking for a quick fuck and a blunt.
I should've known what you were really about.
Along the lines, you're just a sneaky little fucking slut.

I know some will say;
ďThis is too muchĒ
ďYou sound bitter and hatefulĒ
Well guess who converted me?

Thereís only one girl that truly own this heart.
The truth is, it ain't you and it will never be!
You told me to pursue my first love;
I should've listened to your advice.

This cloud of suspense will soon evaporate.
My hatred for you will disintegrate someday.
My first mission is to get far away from you.
I gotta do what I must do to be a better man.




She was right when she said;
ďYouíre too young for meĒ
ďIím too old for youĒ
The fact is, all she ever did was hurt me.

I cannot change you, but I can sure replace you.
You may never forget this soul;
But I promise I will forget you.
Like my drinking days, youíll be long gone.

Iíll forget your candy kisses.
Your beautiful sexy body.
Your colorful personality.
Your teenage like attitude.

I canít be ďfriendsĒ with you.
I just canít.
Not with those painful memories;
Lurking in my mind.

I never wanted to face facts.
With you I was only miserable.
Chasing you was like messing with the dark portal.
I was wrong when I thought you could be the one.

Despite this hateful writing piece.
I wish you the best, sweetie.
Itís time for me to say goodbye.
I'm momentarily numb, but I'll soon be alright.



I'm doing time inside this lonely cubicle.
The time Iíve inhabited is borrowed.
At times I miss her, other times I despise her.
Wishing I could truly tell her this.

The urge to hit your DMís, remains.
I came too far to go back to you.
Iím a motherfucking soldier;
In a world full of toxic nazis cocksuckers.

I donít know what I would do;
If I ever saw your pretty face again.
Maybe Iíll lose it, perhaps Iíll keep cool.
Only time will tell, when it comes.

My father says letting you go was a mistake.
All I know is, I knew what was at stake.
Giving up on you was a gain.
My spirit was set free like hail in the rain.

Iím doing better now.
Like a crow in the night.
Iím roaming free from tree to tree.
The night owl is back once again.

What used to be fear, now became dried tears.
I overcame this misery and now it's past injury.
Iím strong now, like the dope in my bong.
I donít ever want you back, you fucking tramp!




I used to think that I needed you.
As it turns out, my thoughts were wrong.
I was a damn fool, but I kept my cool;
With you, I didnít have much to lose.

I keep my real ones close by.
They keep me elevated like my high.
Nobody told me to let you go.
It was my decision to say goodbye.

I called it quits;
The night you appeared in my dream.
It was more like a nightmare.
We got into a fatal car accident, then you took off.

Stranded and alone.
Then I woke up and had an epiphany.
These dreams donít tend to make sense.
Either way, Iím no longer stuck in the trench.

Iím walking free as I can ever be.
On the side of the road with my thoughts.
Coyotes that roam the night.
Sipariling pupils that spin in sight.

I was lost, now Iím found.
Itís four twenty in the morning.
Iím up with a smile, as I hit another doobie.
Laughing because she thought she knew me.




The saying she would tell me stuck.
ďI donít even trust myselfĒ
Took me a while to figure it out;
Thatís what whores say to go hoe around.

Iím glad there was never an ďusĒ.
How would I even trust you?
Considering what we did those late nights.
If I couldíve got it, then anyone else could.

Day by day, it all makes sense.
You were never right.
I was never meant to be with you.
You were never meant for me.

We just werenít right for each other.
Somehow, you knew that before I did.
Now Iím feeling lonelier than ever.
I suppose itís better than being with you.

I have good days.
Then thereís days, you can tell by my face;
Iíll put on a legitimate smile.
Deep down, Iím numb on the surface.

I donít care if you refuse to talk to me.
Iím okay with that, I feel free.
I watch my own back these days.
While you lay on yours, you dirty whore.


CannabisInMyDna
Written by CannabisInMyDna
Published
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