deepundergroundpoetry.com
Eating the Messenger
It's not a good idea
to look at the dots
it's not even
a good idea
to even think about
the dots
or even think about
connecting the dots
or you will have to face
the consequences
of change
self identifying your self
within the mind set
of alice
but under no circumstances
do you eat
The Rabbit
while connecting the dots
as you sprial down
the rabbit hole
of painfull thoughts
to look at the dots
it's not even
a good idea
to even think about
the dots
or even think about
connecting the dots
or you will have to face
the consequences
of change
self identifying your self
within the mind set
of alice
but under no circumstances
do you eat
The Rabbit
while connecting the dots
as you sprial down
the rabbit hole
of painfull thoughts
Published 16th Sep 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 272
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Sep 2019 10:16pm
That's why a lot of people don't go there - the cognitive dissonance is too painful to handle.
17th Sep 2019 1:49pm
17th Sep 2019 4:00am
a cutely skewed take :)
repetition works in this, though the rule of three could be warped just a smidge if you used 'or even think about/connecting the ...'
here:
or you will have to face
the consequences
of change
self identifying your self
within the mind set
of alice
a little judicial trimming, perhaps? something like 'or face the consequences/face the change/self-identify /within the mind-set of alice'
love the imagery within the next 5 lines; definitely DON'T eat the rabbit! :D
typo: sprial is spiral?
do you need that last line? like, really really really need it? I find it a distraction after the 'hole' image.
just the thoughts of one reader; all feedback is useful, one way or another :)
repetition works in this, though the rule of three could be warped just a smidge if you used 'or even think about/connecting the ...'
here:
or you will have to face
the consequences
of change
self identifying your self
within the mind set
of alice
a little judicial trimming, perhaps? something like 'or face the consequences/face the change/self-identify /within the mind-set of alice'
love the imagery within the next 5 lines; definitely DON'T eat the rabbit! :D
typo: sprial is spiral?
do you need that last line? like, really really really need it? I find it a distraction after the 'hole' image.
just the thoughts of one reader; all feedback is useful, one way or another :)
17th Sep 2019 2:00pm
i understand
what you mean
the 'hole' image.
it felt right
to put
painfull thoughts
for me it gives the hole
teeth
the self identifying your self bit
is a little twist
for those who
identifying them self's
as a woman
it's
a rabbit hole
of confusion
Thank you
for reading
what you mean
the 'hole' image.
it felt right
to put
painfull thoughts
for me it gives the hole
teeth
the self identifying your self bit
is a little twist
for those who
identifying them self's
as a woman
it's
a rabbit hole
of confusion
Thank you
for reading
