Autumn Dusk

Oh my word! I hope this isn't true!  What a gut-wrenching read. It's one of those that slaps you in the face. Hard.

I hate to even offer critique on such a poem;  however, in the spirit of your request, I would suggest the following:

Autumn Dusk

silver shadows sweep the shore <-- phenomenal line - the consonance of s/w is superb
blending with [the] mist <-- remove
the sea, virtually unseen
{now} silent in darkness  <-- I inserted now to pick up some assonance of the o sound from shadow and shore, as well as downpour in the next verse.

I removed two of four 'the's, and rearranged the syntax.  This stanza is incredible to read aloud with all that s consonance and e assonance.

rain spits across [the] sand <- remove
a downpour
the start of a gale

[the] hours pass—  <- remove and insert a dash
dawn, a new day

[the] people are cold(,) [and] hungry
[they] carry(ing) torches and flasks—
[as they] search(ing) for the missing couple

I basically suggested removal of many pronouns I felt weren't needed, as well as multiple conjunctions and determiners.  I feel these are extraneous and add nothing but extra syllables to a very moving read. If taken, the poem would read something like this:

Autumn Dusk

silver shadows sweep the shore
blending with mist
the sea, virtually unseen
now silent in darkness  

rain spits across sand  
a downpour
the start of a gale

hours pass—
dawn, a new day

people are cold, hungry
carrying torches and flasks—
searching for the missing couple

This read gave me chills.  Hopefully this is more imagination than reality.

Totally in the imagination, maybe another novel at some point. Many thanks for your feedback.

It would be a heck of a way to start one. . .

I love how this poem leads the reader into the unknown darkness...and the couple were found...
Cheers L...harry

Thanks very much, Harry.

Sometimes, the briefer the poem, the more one can really hone in on make the most of every word. Rarely do I disagree with Ahavati's suggestions and I won't here. The ending was a surprise; you did a great job of leading us from calm to unrest.

Cheers, Johnny.  I spent some years writing suspense fiction and still live in that mindset! Best wishes, Lawrence