57

  There are rocks in the back of my throat.
 
They come out falling or almost being thrown  
 
At you.
 
At myself.
 
At us.
 
And my tounge entwines itself in a battle against yours that we both know we will never win.
 
Love.
 
Is a word.
Is a word.
Is a word.
 
Love is a word and thats what I tell myself
Repeat it
Eat  
Sleep
Breathe. It.
 
Because I hate breaking promises.
 
And every time I told you.
I loved you.
I meant it.
 
I never lied
 
I always will.
 
I never broke that promise.
 
I just broke the pencil that wrote every word
Every letter
Of my love  
On youre heart.
 
I became a corpse the day I let you walk away.
 
The day I let my sun go off its path because it saw earth every day and it reminded it of the hell it was.
 
I'm sorry.
 
I'm sorry im sorry.
 
Its my fault I'm sorry so im sorry
 
Im sorry sorry doesnt fix. Anything.
 
And I wish it could.
 
If my sorry could fix things.
Then I would have fixed my broken home
My broken heart
My father's broken soul
 
I remember wispering into my ear the night we met.  
 
"You will fuck it up."
 
I remember beimg so afraid of it.
 
Afraid of treating you.
 
The way I treated my family.
My so called freinds.
 
My whole life had been a lie and out if anger I tried to be karma.
 
Not intentionally.
 
But it seems my life was a beautiful record spinning endlessly and when the needle hit a bump everything shattered.
 
So I tried peicing it together. Slicing my hands open.
 
Everything I touch will surely die.
 
I followed my heart.but it was shattered. So I ask. Does anyone know which price to follow when youre heart is shattered a million different ways.
 
Back to you.
 
My love.  
 
My Angel.
 
My dear.
 
I'm sorry.
 
I'll always be here  
Arms open.
Heart broken
But I'm healing  
And I'm learning.
 
One day I will be STRONG.
 
I WILL BE EVERYTHING YOU SHOWED ME I COULD BE.
 
 
I will overcome. All of the lies.
 
And I will start replacing them with truth.
 
I will let go.
 
I will let you. Go.
 
I know I will always love you.
 
I will always care about you.
 
There is nothing you can do
 
That would make me take those words back.
 
Before I stop.  
 
I want you to understand
 
That I acknowledge what I did to you. The hurt I caused.
 
But realize the words I sent to you are like nails against a chalkboard
My ears. Are the chalkboard.
 
I am crippled by what I said.
 
I am haunted by what ive done.
 
If I could reverse.
 
....i will not go there...
But I hope you know I wish I could take it all back.
 
You are the first time I regretted.
 
You are the best thing I ever lost.
 
You are the strongest man I've met
 
You are and will always be.  
A love. I will always want.
 
.Thank you.
 
 
By Alyxes a.k.a Alexxis