Neglecting self inspection

Grateful as fuck these days
trying to change my hateful ways,
to silence that selfish,
 stubborn voice within
sometimes stealing my sanity so swiftly and I'm quickly caught in some state,
so unsatisfying..
 so unnerving
  so unnecessarily
   unsettling..
dismantling thy dignity..
the divinity
I still strongly detect
as I neglect to inspect
a part of myself
 I thought I checked
centuries ago,
just goes to show
 nothing can ever be known
  as one goes on to "grow up"
   to become what they call a "grown up"
whatever or whoever that may be..
I think we all come to see
"it isn't me"