College Burnout

Pens down
The final test is over
Your arm is bleeding  
You gripped it too tight
Four little bleeding marks  
 
Is this what life is about?
Your career held hostage  
By institutions that don't care
Deep breath and turn it in
The class is done, maybe you passed
 
When you get home you make some tea
Throw some whiskey in there and half a lime
Maybe some honey you splurged on that one time
Deep breaths, lay on the floor
Burn your fingers, scrape at the scab
Try to calm down, try to relax  
 
And if I am a college burnout, so what?
"Bite the bullet", "whatever you do keep moving", "pull up your bootstraps"
My brain can't do it, can't do it anymore  
Stare at a page, hope your brain decides to work today
 
Who are they to judge me?
While they sit in their offices doing their jobs
My brain barely functioning, as they drone on
"You have to do self care"
Self care comes in a bottle and it starts with W
 
How can I keep doing this?
I cry every morning, I try to survive  
Hoping and praying this is what I want
That I will not regret it in the near future
That my hopes and dreams will still come true
 
That the loan is worth it
That the anxiety attacks are worth it
That the sickness is worth it
That I am still worth it
That all these bullets I'm eating are worth it