Suthern Comfort

Suthern Comfort    
   
     I lie on the couch reading Thucydides’  “Peloponnesian War.”  
     Kitty pours on the syrup. “Honey it’s so rainy and hot. Please cuddle up with Ms. Kitty. She needs attention bad.”  
      “Kitty cat please put me in the know. Why do you go by Kitty when your birth name is Jane?”  
     “Cause I need to be petted like a kitten to keep me purring so my mood doesn’t turn feisty.”  
     “Now there ain’t nothing wrong with a woman getting a touch of cat scratch fever now and again.”  
     Her hand slips softly as morning sun into my robe. Her lips excavate my burnt umber root whose secrets she lays bare with only her tongue. Like a napping meditator awoken by a Rōshi Nun’s stick, it pulls out of its slump. “Hold your horses, honey. I’m in the last chapter. You know how I love reading the ancients.”       
     Kitty crouches like a kitten and grabs a handful of my hair. She pulls me until I get an eyeful of her grimace. “Rob, lately I think you’re buried along with the ancients. What can I do to exhume you?”  
     “My love, I need time to cultivate my mind through reading. Let me get you this book to read, ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover.’ You’ll love it honey buns.”  
     My Kitty straddles me on the couch like a buffalo rider from the old west. “If you don’t put down that book I’m going to donate all your books to the library.”  
     She rolls me with the steady friction of her thighs. “I surrender. I’m going to need a glass of OJ to juice myself up.”  
     Kitty hops off but my body misses her weight. “Coming right up, one glass of OJ, fresh-squeezed. Here it is my lover man. Oh, my. I seem to have lost my clothes somewhere. I wonder where I left them. Plenty of ice just like you like it. Drink to your health sweetie. I’ll sit beside you on the couch. You like it when I rub your neck? You feel so tight.”  
     Her hands wash away my tension like the tide consuming a sandcastle. My defensive parapets melt under her squeeze. “Oh my love, you’ve got angel’s hands. I couldn’t ask for a better masseuse. And the best part is you love me. Your touch is divine.”  
     Like the kitten she is, her bounciness turns to tease. “You know this New Orleans summer has made me lazy. It feels so good to relax on the sofa under the fan. You look like a real man in that bathrobe. Every time I look at you I feel like jumping you.” She grabs me by the arm. I fall right across her lap. “Oh, your derriere is hot. Do you like it when I caress it just so with my hand? Oops, there goes your robe. Pattycake, patty cake. I do declare. You’re swelling like a ripe yam against my thigh. You could do your laps right here in my lap. But a girl needs more fun than that.”  
     “I never knew you were into kinky stuff. Can’t we just make love? I’m an old-fashioned guy. Besides I’m too old for that.”  
     Kitty tickles my timber with her cat nails. “Sugarplum, you’re never too old in my book. You’re fussing like a girl who broke her fingernail. Do you want a ruler or my hand?”  
     My lumber is stiff as a two by four. “Come on pumpkin. Spare this good ole boy.”  
     “You ain’t squirming your way out of this. I’m going to paddle your butt. Ready or not here we go! You like the way my hand stings so sweetly. Your ass cheeks are blushing like ripe peaches. Oh my, that sweet tater sure knows how to show a girl its appreciation. Now wasn’t that hot and spicy?”    
     My metaphor turns culinary. “Honey, that was better than jambalaya with Tabasco sauce. Darling your perfume smells better than magnolias in spring. I’ll sit up. Darling, you’re such a kind woman. That’s why I fell in love with you. Let me drink the OJ to toast our eternal flame.”  
     “Here my dark and debonair man let me hold the glass while you drink. That’s right, catch the nectar on your tongue.” The tremors from my orgasmic quake make the OJ spill all over my chin.      
     Kitty purrs, “Oh I spilled some on your cheeks and lips. Here let me lick the drops off your lips with my tongue. You look like a happy critter. Just close your eyes. That’s right.   Now you don’t mind if I sprinkle some OJ down there, do you? Does it feel cold down there honey?”      
     “Kitty I feel like an apple in a barrel with you bobbing for me. But I’m the only apple in your barrel honey.”  
     Kitty’s roving eyes don’t miss a beat. “Look how shiny you’ve done become. Well lookie here I’ve got an ice cube from that cup. What will I do with that? Well, I’ll drip it down your pear.”    
     My eyes collect stars which twinkle. “We’re going for a doubleheader? Please, honey!! I’m not as young as I used to be.”  
     Kitty tweaks my love knot. “You’ll do just fine. When I rub your Aladdin’s lamp the magic will happen. I’m here to serve and please the one I love so dearly. But I take pride in my work. This is my art. Now let’s start with your inner thighs. You like that don’t you honey? Oh, you old pony. I likes the way your buck under my tongue.” I am her roman candle. She has the match to set me off.  
     Kitty admires her work. “Hot damn man you’re my Rock of Gibraltar. But I wanna play some more. You’ll thank me once I’m finished.”  
     “Oh my God, there I go. I’d be a scoundrel if I didn’t return the favor. Sit up here honey and I’ll part your Red Sea.”  
     Kitty is my miracle whose forms a path to free me from the bondage of deferred desire. “Oh, you are a gentleman indeed. Now, this girl has done gone to heaven. I swear you are a shining example of the male kind.” My tongue slips the surly bonds of earth to relish the mélange of her divinity.  
     “Now you’re the one bucking.” I slip my hands under her buns. She moans like a polecat. “I’m going to lick you under the table. Womenfolk get more excited than men, so I’ve heard.” My tongue orbits her pleasure planet in a cosmic tease.  
     “Come on now. That’s not fair. Put that tongue where it belongs. Don’t nibble my inner thighs. I was so close.”  
     The heat of my reentry into her womanly wonder sets us both on fire. “Oh, I blossomed. What sweeter gift can a man give his woman? What delicious tremors I feel from that place only you are allowed to enter. Sit up here with me and hold your princess.” I rub her tummy.  
     “You know I understand why you go by Kitty now because you purr just like a Molly cat.”  
     “You’re a true southern gentleman. You know how to treat women. But the night is still young. I’m a gonna ride you like a Brahma bull. Ride ‘em cowgirl. Yeeha!”