deepundergroundpoetry.com
Shorter Days
sunrise comes later in the mornings
the dusk shadows gather earlier
the evening light fades away sooner
a hint of a chill lingers in the air
teasing of autumn
and of the cold weather to come
the dusk shadows gather earlier
the evening light fades away sooner
a hint of a chill lingers in the air
teasing of autumn
and of the cold weather to come
Published 1st Sep 2019
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 350
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Sep 2019 10:29pm
Love this little vignette, Lozzamus. In the spirit of honest critique, you could lose some extraneous words, imho.
Shorter Days
sunrise comes later in the mornings
dusk shadows gather earlier
evening light fades sooner
a hint of chill lingers in the air
teasing of autumn
and the cold weather to come
Basically I removed little words such as 'the' 'of' etc. that I honestly feel you didn't need to present the image you wanted to portray.
Again, truly enjoyed.
Shorter Days
sunrise comes later in the mornings
dusk shadows gather earlier
evening light fades sooner
a hint of chill lingers in the air
teasing of autumn
and the cold weather to come
Basically I removed little words such as 'the' 'of' etc. that I honestly feel you didn't need to present the image you wanted to portray.
Again, truly enjoyed.
2nd Sep 2019 9:31pm
1st Sep 2019 11:36pm
A beautiful painting of words with a touch of wintry melancholia L.
Cheers...Harry
Cheers...Harry
2nd Sep 2019 9:32pm
