…And for the longest time I blamed myself,
For her faults and my faults and everything in between,
My unfaithful emotions and guilt didn’t let me sleep,
Until I found out the truth and then I was mad as hell.
And though I acted out of line with nothing but anger,
I wanted out, without any burden or consequence,
Even when her actions had fully spun out of control,
I was lost, crossed and scared.
Jaded and cheated, I wanted revenge,
But it wasn’t what I needed,
Retaliation only leads to a darker path,
Of wrath and rage and destruction.
Every night when I looked into my baby boy’s eyes,
I swore to him that no matter what, I’d always be there,
But as time went by the circumstances got difficult,
I knew this would be a long enduring battle.
And no matter how many times she wished ill will,
Or stabbed me with rage filled hateful words,
I closed my eyes and pictured better days,
To a time where I’d be happy and complete.
Little by little, my attitude and manner changed,
I had to rearrange the way I perceived things,
My faith and rational thinking allowed me to see,
Nothing is ever won without a price.
The hardest part was letting him go,
Knowing in the long run she’d be a better parent,
Because even though I had the power to keep him,
For all of us to heal, I had to make that sacrifice.
Now that he’s young man I truly understand,
How distance makes the heart grow fonder,
That my love for him has gotten stronger,
When I prayed to see, these better days.