like you know what

10 years since we buried him  
so went home  
to see my sister  
who bore him  
until death  
 
doctor gave it a name at 15
and it took him at 16
 
I came cos she said to  
 
has always been like that  
her the woman I turn an ear to
so I went there  
to her place
on the farm  
 
arrived in my usual cloud of big-city bluster
noise and hard liquor
fancy rented go-go car
dropped my city shoes
picked out a pair of gumboots
from the rack
and just like that
already Country
 
followed her and her man  
out to the fire-heap paddock
her with a wheelbarrow load
of carboard boxes
and figured it was fire-lighting gear
 
kindling  
 
passed by her horses
to say hello  
to the foal
him thick with winter coat
leaned in to me
all legs and limbs
a teenager
life full
 
plain to see
he'll be a good one
 
we let him be then
took our drinks to the fire heap  
where the logging slash is piled high and dry  
waiting for rainy days  
and petrol splash
to burn it back to earth  
 
her man and me did good work
gathered up logs
drank  
talked shit  
loaded the log-heap up with petrol  
just right
and got it burning furnace-good  
 
while a light rain fell  
like you know what  
 
then she decided the heat was right
lifted up one of the boxes
from the barrow
saw it then;
 
her boy's medical records  
all that last year of him
that last year’s hope and no hope
inches of paper
a foot deep of paper
all those boxes of it  
and we drank  
and laughed  
then didn't
then burned them  
a ritual as old  
as hairless apes  
 
stood silent  
near the end of it  
watched her walk forward  
throw more on  
eyes wet  
a mother's empty love  
for the boy who came and went  
 
took some more
went back to it  
burned my share  
 
told more stories  
let the fire burn  
 
when there was none left  
her and her man
stood together  
quiet  
him arm-wrapping her  
and I stood back  
the language of lovers there to see  
 
took another drink  
wished there was a dog to put a hand on
like there used to be  
 
and the rain stayed light  
like you know what