deepundergroundpoetry.com

Inside the mindfire

This is a rhyme and a story I tell
About a place where for years I dwelled
It was a place of corrupted desire
I walked, breathed and slept

Inside the mindfire

When I lost a loved one, I couldn't let go
My heart refused to listen and know
The wisdom of gratitude and the freedom of tears
And so my mind surrendered to irrational fears

Count to three and then all is well
No wait, someone else is going to hell
If I don't count to five
What a number filled life!

Turn your head right or the children will die
Now left, or their parents will break down and crie
Countless lifes in the hands of your smallest gesture
Distorted desire to save one over and over

Became an unending stream
Of irrational responsibility

I walk down the steps
I freeze, and walk back
Driven by another irrational thought
This sickness controls me, this sickness consumes me
And I speak in my mind: "This is not worth it, I can end it"
But I don't

Because love holds on

Without my mother and brother,
Without my friends
I know that I would have died on that day
Each one of them was a sun and a ray

That helped me walk in the lands of the darkness

At last seeking help
At last the believe
At last a decision:
"My thoughts don't define me
Only what I do matters"

There were many times I thought this day would not come
But now I stand in the heat of the sun
And my mind is empty, my mind is calm
My thoughts are mine, I am out of the storm

And the dragon is sleeping at last

If you walk in the lands where your mind
Your thoughts aren't your own, listen to me
I walked through this storm
Yours may be much worse than mine
Still, listen
I learned something that I want to share

In the mindfire the soul cries
Strength is like a fading stream
And love is like a dying dream
In the mindfire, hope dies

But I survived
I came back

And so can you
AltairEndian
Written by AltairEndian
Published
Author's Note
This is about the 4 years of my life where I suffered from mental obsessions and obsessive behavior. My symptoms where similar to obsessive compulsive disorder, but what I suffered from is different...
This is about the 4 years of my life where I suffered from mental obsessions and obsessive behavior. My symptoms where similar to obsessive compulsive disorder, but what I suffered from is different from OCD in that it was accompanied by irrational thoughts of doom, for example that someone would die if I didn't count to a certain number, things like that. While the underlying illness that led to this is only dormant and never completely goes away, I am right now completely free of this particular manifestation of my illness. This is the basic message of the poem: That if you are in this situation things are not necessarily hopeless. It is a battle that can be won. For some, this is lifelong, but some can get rid of this illness. If you have it, don't give up hope!
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2 reading list entries 1
comments 4 reads 150
Vamps
Commenting Preference: 
The author is looking for friendly feedback.

Latest Forum Discussions
POETRY
Today 1:42am by Ahavati
SPEAKEASY
Today 1:33am by Andiew
COMPETITIONS
Today 00:30am by Kinkpoet
SUGGESTIONS
5th December 2019 11:45pm by ThePoetcastProject
COMPETITIONS
5th December 2019 10:36pm by Miss_Sub
SPEAKEASY
5th December 2019 10:25pm by badmalthus