Building

I was drowning,
and I tried to pull you under
It wasn't intentional
I didn't even know I was underwater
My arms flailed as I mistook
Your outstretched arm
For another hand trying to push me in again
I was trying to build a boat
A sturdy one that would hold us all,
Keep us safe from the cold dark water
I had grown out of.
I didn't have the right material,
But I wanted so bad to build for you,
That I stretched myself taught,
and prayed I was strong enough to float.
I didn't have the right tools,
But I wished so hard for your approval,
I carved my own,
Every moment sadly doubting my craftsmanship.
I tried to build for you.
I focused so hard on building,
That I often forgot to look at your face,
And sometimes missed your smiles of approval.
I focused so hard on building,
That when I should have taken rest with you,
I drank the cold dark water,
Hoping it would keep me strong to build for us.
The cold dark water knew me.
Every day found me drinking of it,
Sinking further and further
Until day became night,
At times becoming too dark to build.
Always fighting the demons that I invited,
Frantically attacking and in turn
Damaging the boat I was trying to build
I saw you from my watery grave,
Beautiful and strong,
In your own boat that you had tried to share with me.
Slowly drifting away with the gentle waves
Of the passing days.
I stopped drinking in the cold dark water
That was now warm and salty from my tears.
I stopped flailing, and floated slowly back to the top.
I resumed building the boat for us
In hopes that maybe we could sail through life together again, reaching land
I hope you can see me one day,
And that you find love in the boat
That I am building for us